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BLOGS (and other related stuff)
Pitas - the place I got my blog.
Onedimensional - Meia
Contact me: kiyoshi_chan@hotmail.com
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10:24 p.m. Fuck you, Life.
09:59 p.m. I feel like hell. My neck's starting to go all tense on me again. I think it's a combination of stress and insufficient sleep. I'm so glad I didn't sign up for Bio Olympiad or Chem Olympiad. I'm already dying with SAT mock paper (that's tomorrow morning), SAT the week after, Chinese AO's the week after THAT, and I have to do Project Work, plus Drama stuff (but that's to be expected) plus do normal school stuff. I feel like hell.
11:23 p.m. ...Damnit gastric, you're supposed to STOP pestering me when I've taken the medicine! That applies to you too, ankles! Damnitalltohell. >.<
10:53 p.m. I feel like hell. My ankles hurt. Gastric, lovely lovely gastric. And I'm alternating between frustrated-depressed, frustrated-irritated, frustrated-pissed, frustrated-quiet, frustrated-talkative, frustrated-YELL-MY-LUNGS-OUT and frustrated-tired-as-fuck. Oh, yeah. I forgot frustrated. Did I mention that I feel like I'm going crazy? No? Well, in that case... I FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT TO GO STARK RAVING MAD!!!!! I just went all happy-giggly at the fact that my sister bought me Volumes 5, 6, 7 and 8 of POISON ELVES for all of two minutes before going back to the list up there. *points* Guess what? They're teaching new stuff. WONDERFUL, isn't it? We have stupid-SAT-lessons that are SO stupid I don't know WHY I even BOTHER, NORMAL lectures which are so boring that all around me, people are either reading, vandalising notes or sleeping, LESSONS where the teachers don't come in, or they come in to do NOTHING CONSTRUCTIVE... There's more. But this is bad enough to prove my point. Which is, of course, I wake up at fucking 6.20AM every morning for THIS?!?!?! And OF COURSE, my dad doesn't let me skip school! For some STUPID REASON only known to him, EVERY FUCKING NIGHT he asks me," So, are you going to school tomorrow?" when the answer is obviously," Yes." since he won't give me permission NOT TO. So last night I got pissed off enough that instead of saying "yes" I said," Do I have a choice?" without even looking away from the computer screen. It apparantly took him aback enough that he stood there for a couple of minutes, staring at me before he said "no" and left, finally managing to, for fucking ONCE, close the door PROPERLY behind him! The great deeds my family is capable of. I'm sorry if I'm not being nice or coherent, or both. I'm tired, I feel like I'm going to 1) keel over dead, or 2) strangle something, or 3) go stark raving mad in school and burn the bloody thing down. ... You can just see what school does to me, can't you?
11:14 p.m. *thud* See, /first/ I have school. /Then/ I have about two to three hours worth of an SAT course-lecture-thingy, of which I slept through around an HOUR of. THEN, we have this thing called the AC Games, where classes compete in games like captain's ball, basketball, street bendy and soccer. My class is only taking part in captain's ball. I'm one of the impromptu subs, and so got to play in the second game (we only had two games today). Now my right ankle, left knee, right hip, right shoulder hurt. >.>; I am so pathetic. Here's the best bit. Tomorrow we have THREE games to play, and two girls can't make it, so that means I'm almost /definitely/ going to have to play. I am so totally screwed. Now I'm so tired that although I desperately want to watch Smallville (I haven't even managed to catch ONE episode yet. T.T) I can't. Mainly because I'm about to fall over. I'm just going to shower and fall into bed. Tired. T.T
10:45 p.m. Since I just remembered, let me talk about Open House. Friday, the day before Open House, sucked, because I had stomach problems and couldn't eat all day. Saturday, I snacked a lot, and that helped soothe my stomach, don't ask me why, I don't know either. I had to get to school at the usual school time, and the hall was freezing all day. It isn't usually THAT bad. Maybe it was the place where the booth was. Anyway, we had a PINK banner; the only one in the entire hall. We then hung a hemp string with pieces of plastic at regular intervals over it. Think huge freezer rooms... Think entrances of these rooms... Think of the plastic thingys that are suspended at the entrances... Like that. That looked cool, masking tape holding plastic (HEAVY plastic strips, for your information) strips in place and all. Then we had props all over the place. Gah. What a mess. I saw some of my Barker friends though. :D The ones in Sec4. And some of my juniors, too. ^_______^ As in the IJ girls. That was fun. They found me, not the other way round. It's sort of flattering. ^___________^ Apparantly a lot of them didn't do too well for Prelims (I didn't say all. One of them got... 8 I think.) so they don't know if they'll be able to get in AC. *sighs* Oh well. Was veeeeeeeeeeeeery stoned all day. As in spacey, not on drugs. And it was... not-fun to attempt to socialise with prospective ACJC students and their parents when you're that tired. All I wanted to do was hide in some corner and doze off. -_-;; Was really tired. It was kinda fun, I guess, but man, sometimes drama is SO tiring. Anyway, anyone interested in watching Lord Of The Flies on the 15 or 16 of November? ACSian Theatre is performing it. I forgot the place and time, but if you're interested I could go ask. And anyone wants to go for an ACJC Band Concert in the Esplanade on the 3rd of January next year? It's a Friday night, I think, and if I'm not wrong, it's in the evening... Anyone?
10:42 p.m. Did I mention that I love this colour scheme? And it isn't self-praise, because I don't think it's that pretty. But I like it. A lot.
09:37 p.m. There. It's up. It's long, and very bad. Trust me. One /glance/ can prove it for mine. For Meia's... Well, it's bad as compared to her current stuff, but still better than mine. And yes, I know it's TERRIBLY long. I'm sorry.
09:10 p.m. Two B's, a C and an E. I get to be promoted, and I don't have to appeal to keep all for subjects. It'd be nice to know exactly WHAT GRADE I got for which subject though. -_-;; My form tutor didn't want to tell us that, because she said that this is only the tentative grade. If there are any more moderations, the grades may change. So... yeah. And it's stupid, because right after I say that I don't know which grade is for which subject, my dad asks me,"So what did you get E for?" And they keep telling me that if I have anything to say, they'll listen. Oh yeah. Maybe this is why my sister writes letters instead, when she wants to tell them something. >.>; Anyway, I'm going to HTML CF (you'll see) as I place it directly onto the LJ writing-bit. Here. Don't drown. Oh, and Meia wrote a chapter of it, I think. *amused* You can see the /huge/ difference in style there.
08:34 p.m. Hmm. Watched From Hell with my sister this afternoon. It was... gory. As in, full of gore. I thought the ending was sad, a bit. I love happy endings, and this wasn't one. Oh well. Can't have everything, I guess. I think I might put some of the crap I wrote in the past up on my LJ. *sighs* Damn, that stuff really sucked. Hmm. At least I feel an urge to rewrite that piece of crap now. >.>;
10:53 p.m. Reading Magic's Pawn makes me want to cry my eyes out. It's just... Grah. If I can ever, ever write things that smack with as much emotion and truth that people stop and listen to it, I will be very happy. VERY happy. And if I ever write with the grace that Meia and Aine do, I'd be totally stunned, but very very very very VERY glad. *sighs* Envy isn't pretty. -_-;;
09:30 p.m. Reading Celestial Fire makes me want to burst out laughing and put the struggling fic out of its torment. Reading the character descriptions I dug up from a diskette is even funnier. It makes me want to laugh hysterically then break down from how bad they were. Oh ye gods.
09:09 p.m. Oh my GOD! I found some of my old stuff, and my /gods/ that stuff is sooooooooooo crappy! I can't believe I EVER wrote stuff like that. *hits self over head with bokken* This is BLOODY embarressing! *kills self*
05:20 p.m. o.o; Just spent an entire afternoon watching ghost stories with my sister. FREAKY. Bangkok Haunted had a really creepy ending. >.>; I am now going to read something fluffy or fantasy based before I get nightmares.
10:06 p.m. I want to write. It's just this twitchy urge, which I have a feeling is due to the huge amount of reading that I've been doing. One problem: I have no clue what to write. I have fics that are unfinished, but writing about the Angels doesn't seem to appeal right now, when I'd dearly love to look at Lucifer and Gabriel instead. I /would/. Actually, it might be fun to see the whole gang. Come to think of it... Hmm. I might have something that I /can/ write, after all.
01:27 p.m.
 You are a siren. What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox Also known as mermaids, sirens were women with the tails of fish who lived in the ocean. They would lure sailors onto the rocks with their enchanting songs.
 Your magical style is Priestess. What type of Magic do you work?. Take the Magical Style Quiz by Paradox
Snow Fae
Also called Frost Faeries, Winter Faeries, and the Snow Queen; Snow Fae are the spirit of Winter. They take on many different appearances depending on which land they live in, which is usually anywhere across Europe and Asia. The are said to bring winter and are sometimes seen as trooping faeries and other times as solitary figures.
06:47 p.m.
I've been reading a lot of Lackey, these couple of days, and Aine-chan, I SWEAR, if you don't check your handphone the MINUTE you see this post and REPLY the messages asking about my Lackey books, I am going to KILL YOU! >.< I mean, yeah, games, but d00d, at least tell me. I don't know who has my Take A Thief and Brightly Burning, and I want them back. >.< I've only read them once through, and I wanna re-read.
And it seems that Lackey makes me want to write. O.o; I sudden feel this urge to go through the name books, quickly pick names for my characters, then start writing. Although I have NO CLUE where I'm going to start. -_-;
Whatever. Anyway, sleep.
06:11 a.m.
Oh gods, body... Not again!! Less than three fucking hours this time. >.< Wish me luck. I'm about to collapse.
01:01 a.m.
My ankles and knees are aching. >.< I think I can say with almost 100% surety that I will end up suffering from rheumatism and/or arthritis when I'm older.
And I have NO IDEA WHY, but my shoulders feel all twingey... >.<
12:30 a.m.
Ling has a blog!!! XD XD XD AWRIGHT!
Yes, I know I didn't come on at ALL yesterday. Aren't you all proud of me? :P
Open House on Saturday... I don't think of you are coming... Are you? *hopeful*
01:32 a.m.
Hmm. I suddenly remembered. There was this HUGE grasshopper-looking bug (it was BRIGHT GREEN, and about as long as my palm, which means from wrist to base of middle finger. The one you make vulgar signs with.) in, of all places, one of the sinks in the SIXTH LEVEL girl's toilet.
And my friend washed her hands before she looked down and went, "Ack!", then jumped backward. For that matter, I almost freaked when I saw it in the sink. >.< It was ALIVE, and had its antennae waving, and I was SO nervy coz I thought it was going to jump up at us. It had a grasshopper's bent legs.
Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeky.
01:16 a.m.
Really?! AWRIGHT!!!!!! XD XD XD XD There aren't that many good pictures of Katan. I think there's only ONE coloured one in the art books, ne? I remember flipping through at least ONE of them trying to find a Katan picture to layout... Some of the manga pictures are pretty too. :P I was telling Aine about one of the pictures with Katan and Rociel. d00d, I really looooooooooooove that picture. ^____________^
12:10 a.m.
This isn't going to be used much. Maybe when I need to blabber about literary things, or something. o.o;; I think my normal blog's cluttered enough without them. Perhaps I'll stick song lyrics here. Or something. Give me opinions on the colour though. :D That was fun to do, but mildly torturing, and time-consuming.
09:27 p.m.
*SNRKCOUGHSPLUTTER*
09:19 p.m.
These questions amuse me a LOT.
And these remind me of Tokyo Babylon, or X.
Who is the most important person to you?
I don't care about people, except this one person...
Especially "The one whom I abandoned" and "Everyone important is dead." :P
09:14 p.m.
You are what some may call neutral. You have a good foot in both light and darkness. You may not save the world but you certainly aren't ever going to add to its miseries. You see everything in the world with your eyes along with most of the world.
Oh my. Does anyone else think that that picture looks Angel Sanc-ish?
08:50 p.m.
*lol!*
AND!
I AM ANGER! Apparantly. :P
08:40 p.m.
Dreamer
You are a dreamer. You are always coming up with new imaginative ideas, and you usually have and uplifting attidtude. Some people might find you to be a bit spacey. Be careful though, sometimes you might get a little bit to high up in the clouds.
07:52 p.m.
Only if you want to, and only if you have time for it. I'm going to have Drama stuff to contend with, I think, and school's being not-nice to us, so I don't know /when/ I'll find the time to do /anything/. >.>;
Sorry...
07:42 p.m.
Exile's Honor is a very good. I went all teary quite few times. The speeches are... inspiring, as they were probably meant to be. Especially if you get totally absorbed in the story. There is a great deal about honor, and courage (well duh, look at the title) and we get to see bits about Alberich. It's... good. Very good.
Now I'm out of new books to read, sort of. Then again, maybe not.
01:03 a.m.
Y E S !!!!!
12:56 a.m.
Oh, and I forgot. I wanted to whine a little about the weather today. It rained today, which is a good thing. I love rain, but the whole day through, everywhere I looked seemed to be hazy. It's... a little unnerving. Made me wonder if my eyes were a bit off. I don't like haze. Fog and mist are okay for me, considering that I haven't had much contact with them. I used to go up to Genting Highlands pretty often when I was younger though. I used to love the mist and fog, although it later occurred to me that it made driving hell for my dad, and the other dads who were driving all the other cars.
A bit of clarification there. We used to go up in groups of maybe 4 to 6 families. That meant that the kids had each other's company, and the collective force of maids could look after all of us, with the help of the older kids (my sis being one of them, poor thing.) while the parents went off to gamble together. I miss it, a little. I used to love the cold. :) Somehow, it seems I've always loved cold.
Anyway. Haze. Not nice. Hope it goes away by tomorrow...
12:51 a.m.
Regina's Song is... very unlike the Belgariad, Mallorean and Althalus. Actually, that is a bloody understatement. It is TOTALLY different. I mean, for one thing, it's set in modern day. For another, it doesn't have romance in it; not as far as I can see, anyway. Someone else might be able to see something.
There isn't exactly a happy ending, either. And fuckit, I'm depressed. It creeped me out mildly, but it was sad, damnit. At least he hasn't changed in one aspect. There's still mention of twins and the highly unique language twins come up with between themselves that only the other twin can understand. It's quite crucial in this story, actually. But bloody HELL this story gets freaky. >.>;
Read it.
11:58 p.m.
I can say, fairly proudly, that I have the newest Valdemar book, Exile's Honour, which is about Alberich, and the newest Eddings book, Regina's Song, which Meia and Aine reccommended. And no, I haven't read it yet, but I think Meia had dibs after me.
Yes, yes, I'll read it soon.
11:42 p.m.
I am Cleo. Pet me! Find your whimsy character at kelly.moranweb.com. Congratulations. You are Cleo, the most beautiful cat in the world. You spend your days sleeping, eating, watching birds, sitting funny, and spreading your seemingly endless supply of hair over everything Allison owns. Although you put your fur in Allison's soup, shed on all of her clothes, and leave gross skid marks across the kitchen floor for her to clean up, you're really really cute. You're also soft. People probably like to pet your head. So lucky you, you're an old obese cat. * * *
11:33 p.m.
I am Rumpelstiltskin! Find your fairy tale character at kelly.moranweb.com.
11:24 p.m. The fucking bastards who do this for a living, or for fun, deserve to be drawn, quartered, ripped to little shreds PAINFULLY, then put together and tortured. Fucking BASTARDS who provide a MARKET for this deserve to die WORSE. 09:31 p.m. Hmm. I just realised. It's 9.30PM and I haven't eaten yet. And I just feel... a bit like I'm going to puke. ... I think I should go eat now.
09:22 p.m. Very pretty. :D 09:20 p.m.
Pity I don't remember which kind of Ox I am... I think my dad's a Fire Horse, or something. I seem to remember something about me being Earth though. Wouldn't that be cool?! :D
09:19 p.m.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! XD XD XD
09:16 p.m.
Cool. :D Especially since that /is/ my favourite colour.
09:09 p.m.
Oh.
My.
God.
You did a Rociel layout! O.O *cry*
I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
09:06 p.m.
What do you guys think? Does it sound like me?
I am truly passionate. Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com. You're excited about life and in touch with yourself and nature. Tell me, do I have this straight? Virtues: You appreciate humor like none other. Puns might even spark laughter in you (TEHY R FUNNI). You seek adventure and connection with your surroundings. You seek friends who will not only share laughs with you but actually form a deep bond of trust and empathy beneath the surface. You look for adventure and courage in people, and variation is necessary to keep you under control. You see yourself as multi-faceted, so you need people who can see you in your many lights. You're constantly trying to figure yourself out while analyzing the people around you. Silly, silly people. Aspirations: You can't decide what you want to be yet, but you know you want it to be adventures and interesting, with constant changes. You don't know what love will do for you yet, but it's competing with adventure for a place in your heart. An internal conflict has begun: can you be a successful worker, lover, and parent all at once? Quirks: Noise of any sort is irritating when you're in the mood. Smacking gum, loud chewing, humming- it's about as pleasing as bodily noises. You dislike emaciated people because of jealousy and just plain disgust. You're a procrastinator but a hard worker, too. Factors: You need constant attention and support. You're high-maintnence, but a great, reliable friend. Nature needs you and you need nature; it's helped thus far, so keep in touch with the outside world. Future: Who knows! You absolutely need constant change, so vacationing is surely in the cards. Will you settle down or not? Love will find you eventually, as it does to everyone. Will you choose the sweet home life or the rewarding busy-bee life?
08:47 p.m. Reading fanfic makes me so depressed. I think it's because there are so many different endings, for so many situations, and so many of those endings /hurt/. Maybe it's empathy, or sympathy, or whatever, but I seem to have picked up a friend's ability to sense feelings. It doesn't seem to matter that these people have only existed in my head, or other people's imaginations. It just happens. Sometimes I get all teary about the stuff that happens in books, or in manga, or fanfiction, or even original fanfiction. And d00d, movies turn me into a leaky tap, most times. -_-;;;;;;; Not all the time. Comedys don't... But most. I mean, I was crying while I was watching A Walk to Remember. A LOT, if I remember correctly. -_-;; Weird me, I guess. Weirder still is the fact that sometimes I feel things for other people a lot easier than I experience my own feelings. Hmm. Although I seem to do it easiest for fictional characters. Like, for instance, reading Arcana (it's an online comic) makes me depressed as hell. And I /write/ that kind of thing, too. >.>;;; Gods.
12:53 p.m. May, should I be flattered?
AND! *is amused*
11:19 p.m. I just tried to write Angel Sanc fic. I have this feeling that my characters are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY OOC. May-chan, Aine-chan, faithful beta-readers that you are, as well as insanely early wakers, please check your emails.
09:59 p.m. In case you didn't realise, it isn't very ME to say what I just did. *hides*
09:51 p.m. I know I haven't blogged much. I haven't been doing much, either, just reading a LOT of sappy romance novels and watching a couple of VCDs. I haven't written anything, drawn anything, created anything new and interesting, or otherwise done anything constructive with my time. Yet I've enjoyed myself. It's been fun. All I've really done is read a lot, watch some TV and some VCDs, and talk a LOT to my sister. We talked about life, about BGR, about school, about family... and we talked about more trivial stuff, like names, idols, guys, cute guys, her life in ACJC, having crushes... Little things and big things. I love having my sister as my sister. I think very very few people can say this, and I guess it shows how much we've changed, or how weird I am, because when we were younger, I used to complain and whine about my sister. Now, life would probably be intolerable without her. She may be closer to my mother, and prettier (or more attractive, anyway), and sometimes I resent her a little for it, but I don't think I would be me if I didn't have her. It's hard to explain. Maybe it's because having siblings of the same sex tends to define what you are, and what you aren't, just as the parents define what children are and are not. ... Okay, I'll stop all the philosophy and things. I love my sister, and the fact that she's both my sister and one of my best friends. *pause* And I'll go die of embaressment now.
12:03 p.m. It's over. It's over. Watching the scholars in my class makes me feel quite a bit of sympathy for them. They're under a helluva lot of stress. They've been worrying a lot about getting deported. :/ That's one reason that I'll probably never ask for a scholarship. If offered one, I might take it, but that depends. I really really doubt that I'll ever ask for one though. It's over. Gods, it's such a relief to able to sprawl about reading without feeling guilt, or mild irritation that I'm going to have to stop and go study, or a vague sense of urgency ruining my reading time. Finally we're free.
11:19 p.m. "It like... killed me dedd man. /Dedd/, I tell you." Hee. That's an ongoing joke thing. *amused*
10:41 p.m. I don't know why hearing one person tell me that I won't fail is so much more comforting than hearing a great deal of other people tell me the same thing. Maybe it's a long association thing. Or maybe I've learned to tolerate a lot more from the person, after knowing him/her for so long. It's nice to know that s/he even manages to persuade me to believe that I possibly /won't/ do as badly as I thought... Hmm. I have to admit that it's comforting. :) And it's not just /one/ person, come to think of it. There are another one or two others who I would believe, if they told me I'd pass. Maybe it's because they believe me when I explain /why/ I think I'd fail. Most people don't. They seem to think I can pull miracles out of my sleeves. ... Okay, this was never intended to become bitter or angry, so I think I'll just drop that. Thanks though, if those of you who I'm discussing up there realise who you are. I'll probably tell you sometime though. :P Yeah, me is predictable. Wish me luck, lovelies. :>
05:55 p.m. And the good thing about reading this kind of thing is that I destress. ^____^ I'm not as depressed anymore. After all, Chem's over. Being depressed over the thought of failing it isn't going to help any. I'll try not to whine too much when you bring up the topic though. :P
05:53 p.m. I think I'm being prematurely happy. -_-;;;;;; I spent the last six hours or so reading romance novels. I have to go through a huge PILE of Physics. Oh well. Hee. I'd forgotten how some of that stuff could make me burst out laughing. ^___^ I used to get all sorts of weird looks from my family whenever I read that kind of stuff. Luckily I was never the kind to start tearing. O.O;;;;;;; d00d, that would be scary. Anyway. Last paper tomorrow. ^___________^
12:02 p.m. It's going to take a miracle for me to pass my Chemistry, and unless someone up there likes me, it's not going to happen. Braindedd. Too tired to even be depressed anymore. I almost fell asleep reading my notes in the car this morning, and about one third of the time I was staring at my notes as if I was trying to get this imprint in my head of what the page looked like, I was stoning. Or trying not to. Or trying not to expand on fic-idea-in-my-head. Then I almost fell asleep during the Chem paper. I'll be a very happy girl tomorrow afternoon, whether nor not the paper sucked. I will still be a happy girl. It finisheds at 10.15. At least that's that's what the exam time table says. I'd give it a half-hour error and say that I'll get home by twelve. If anyone wants my Chemistry MCQ and Section C, you're welcome to it.
09:08 p.m. If I fail Chemistry, they'll make me drop Biology. Since I'd never drop Biology for the world, I'm out of AC if I fail Chem. Wish me luck. *goes off to study now*
08:55 p.m. I like the name Raphael. And three of the four Raphael's that I've read of that immediately come to mind are basically nice, but rakes. The other one isn't because she's a girl, and my character, and already attached to someone, although, come to think of it, that shouldn't affect her ability to flirt, hmm? :P Sorry. My brain is shorting out. I just decided that I like that name, and am going to use it for another character. A guy, this time. And probably not a Healer. Or maybe he will be. Gah. I don't know. I'll decide later. :P
05:55 p.m. Oh gods, I am so tired. I almost fell asleep during Chinese, and when it came to the essay question in Bio, I had to pause for around half a minute to process each sentence before I could write it. >.< Three hours of sleep. Three hours of sleep, body. I'm totally dedd. And I still have to cover the entire Chem syllabus tonight. >.< Oh, guess what? I didn't study respiration AT ALL, and it came out for structured. STRUCTURED T.T That's one of four structured questions. Goodbye, marks. BUT! I am weirded out by myself. -_-;; SIX SIDES of A4 size "boxed" paper for Chinese essay, 5/6 of which was dialogue. *sweatdrop* And out of point dialogue too, for that matter. All I can say is, I'm never going to walk into an exam hall on three hours of sleep ever again, if I can help it. Anyway, eyes hurting. It's probably a mixture of computer screen glare and reading words. >.< I was so stoned that I didn't realise that I hadn't read the entire chapter on Evolution. See, I put my notes somewhere else, separate from the rest of my Bio notes, and I didn't even realise that I was missing a chapter last night. I only realised that I'd forgotten all about it when I was reading my Ecology notes and saw things about "evolutionary niche". -_-;;; I think I need a new brain right now. Throughout the Bio paper, I could hear Anything but Ordinary playing in my head. I'm sorry if I've snarked at you, or yelled at you, or otherwise whined at you today and yesterday. I'm just feeling all... BLARGH at the moment. I'll be back to normal on Wednesday afternoon, promise. ... Not that normal is much better, but at least I don't whine about failing subjects. As much. Joy was driving me nuts in the taxi when we were coming home. >.< She was calculating all the marks she'd lost or might lose, and which subject she'd pass, and which she'd fail if she got what grades for whichever part of the paper. Rar. I mean, it's over. Calculating what you /might/ get isn't going to do any good, since you can't change the marks, and it doesn't help to start panicking BEFORE the results are out. D00d, it's done. Get over it. >.> ... Yeah, like I'm one to be talking, I know, I know. But hey, at least I don't drive my friend who's short on sleep crazy counting the grades that I might get, and keep repeating," I hope they moderate Math. I hope they moderate Math. I hope they moderate Math." before going back to mad calculations. And I am not exaggerating. Oh gods. I had to ask Meia how to spell THAT. My brain really isn't working. >.>;;;;
06:37 a.m. Okay, going to bed at 1.30AM knowing I won't be able to get to sleep immediately is my fault, but fuck, body, waking me up at BLOODY FIVE AM?!?!?!? I am thoroughly screwed.
10:38 p.m. One of the applications of Genetic Engineering is the "production of biodegradable plastic", a good thing, since non-biodegradable plastic hangs around in the ecosystem for a loooooooong time and has harmful effects on the environment. But, you see, the full quote is "production of biodegradable plastic from oilseed rape". ... Wonderful phrasing, my teachers have.
09:30 p.m. Total screwedness. Say your final farewells to a walking corpse. When my results for the next four papers come back, I'm going to die a brutal, tortured death. ... I can't believe that I'm reading sappy romance novels again. >.>;;;;;;;;;;;;;
06:14 p.m. Fuck. I don't have time to write down stuff for Bio anymore. Now comes the panicked reading through notes, and the frantic digging for Chinese stuff to panic over tomorrow in the period in between exams. I have... around two hours for that. Shitshitshitshitshit... *panic*
05:59 p.m. NK?! I didn't know you were linked to Meia's! o.o;;;; I'm sorry, I'm really slow on the uptake, I guess. How've you been? I haven't talked to you in like... YEARS. -_-;; Guess how I found you? I was going through May-chan's Guestbook. The oooooooooooold one on Monochrome Dreamings. And found your homepage, which I happened to be looking for, because I have this vague wish to read fic. AND! I just found out that you read Anita Blake! I love you! XD ... Sorry. I'll go away and stop stalking you now.
05:29 p.m. I think I know why I write sappy fluff disguised as fantasy. -_-;;;;;;;; See, when I was 11, my sister got me hooked onto sappy romance novels. My favourite author was Judith McNaught. I just re-read one of my old books. -_-;; I can see why I write the stuff I write. Anyway, I was reading Mercedes Lackey, David Eddings, and some other fantasy authors then, too. I'd been reading that kind of stuff since I was maybe... 9 or 10? So yeah. And all Mercedes Lackey readers ought to know that her stories almost always have romance in 'em, and that there are almost always happy endings. By the way, Mercedes is derived from "Our Lady Of Mercy". So anyway, I think I write the stuff I write simply because it's all been imprinted into my brain when I was younger. >.> It's a nice excuse for my pathetic fluffy stuff anyway, isn't it? Been slacking all day. Must go panic now. >.>
11:00 p.m. Hmm. And Taliesin is a nice name. I've found names that are SO familiar. For one thing, I just spotted Tabitha. o.o;;;;;;;; And Damaris. A great many of the names in here I just /know/ I've heard before... ... Okay, okay; how many names can you possibly come up with with the limited number of alphabets we have, right? *sighs* Back to semi-depressed now.
10:39 p.m. I am vaguely depressed. Possibly because I was thinking about how miserably I'm going to fail my Physics, Chem and Bio papers next week while on the bus on the way home. I want to write Angelfic, but I don't think I can. It would be nice to go through more of the name book to list more nice-sounding names that I might (possibly) pick for Dreamrose-tachi. It's fun. Yes, I have no life. I like going through the name book. I mean, I now know that I like a lot of names. I still dislike my name immensely though. I mean, hey, not only is it a name without a meaning of its own (it's derived from Joseph), it is also too long in full, and much too short when abbreviated. And one of the French abbreviations for my name is Fifi. I am going to hit my head on the wall now. I like the names Lewis, Kyrie, Cyrus, Dayle, Damian/Damon/Damien and Darius/Darian/Darion (to name a few) a LOT, and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to use Damien. ^^; Don't know why. I just like it a lot. I like the name Christian too. Don't ask me why, because I don't know. *shrugs* It sounds nice, possibly. I pronounce it with emphasis on the "-ahn". Gah. Nevermind. -_-;;;
Anyway, I bought the new Sugababes CD. It's called Angels With Dirty Faces. I'm listening to it now. Also got The Calling with Camino Palmero. They're both nice, although I realised that I recognise quite a few of the songs. o.o;;; I think I just don't pay attention to what the DJ says when I listen to radio.
03:50 a.m.
That does it. I give up.
I was trying to finish Enzymes tonight, but I'm about to fall over and I'm only halfway through, even skipping the bit about Lock and Key Model and the Induced Fit Model. I don't think it's going in properly anyway. >.>
If you two (you ought to know who you are, and I'm lazy to link, so bleah.) dare to wake me before 1PM in the afternoon, you are so going to get smacked. >.>
01:47 a.m.
I hold my head upside down for a couple of minutes to wet my hair while keeping the rest of me dry and my nose starts bleeding. -_-;;;;;;;;; I didn't know my nose was /that/ quirky. I mean, yeah, history of nosebleeds and stuff, but d00d, without warning, blood just starts dripping from my nose, just because I held my head upside down for a short while? Yeesh.
07:41 p.m.
Ow. Ow. Ow.
Woke up with a headache that deprived me of further sleep. Damnit. >.< Less than 3 hours of sleep.
03:02 p.m.
Reading that yaoi manga last night was a mistake. -_-;;; How the heck am I, a yaoi fangirl, supposed to concentrate on Math when pictures, images and snippets of angsty bishounen angsting and doing things to each other keep popping into my head when I'm thinking about inequalities?! Or vectors?! Or whatever Math-y stuff?!
-_-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Sleep. Need sleep.
10:14 p.m.
Random: Avril is a derivative of the name April. The name Rhys means "ardour" and Richard means "strong ruler".
Hmmm... I think Laurell K. Hamilton picks character names from name books, too. :D
And I was /very/ amused at the meaning of Rhys's name. :P I mean, that makes reading those books more interesting, doesn't it?
I think I really like Things I'll Never Say, by Avril Lavigne. It's just so... cheerful. Well, the tune is, anyway. I like it in my good mood. :P
09:05 p.m.
Hmm. More manga to add to the Good Obscure Manga list. This one's yaoi, and it's... I dunno. I like it. The art's pretty. :DDDDD I mean, d00d, VERY drooly bishounen, they are.
I want Poison Elves Volume 4, but apparantly Kino's out of stock. >.< Damnit.
Hmmmm... I think there's this thing about hot showers that makes me feel all lazy and relaxed. It feels so nice to just sit under the hot water and let it run over my shoulders and back. Hot water is nice.
I hate it when we run out of hot water though. >.< The spray will sudden morph from nice, warm, comforting and relaxing to "ARGH! DAMNIT, THAT IS SO FREAKIN' COOOOOLD!" -_-;;; Not fun, when you're trying to relax before a traumatising day. The only good thing about tomorrow is that I only have ONE paper, and I'll probably be able to get home by 12.30 or so. Leaves me time to panic for my three sciences next week.
Sunny Bookstore brought in more Mercedes Lackey books for me, my mother says. Maybe it's the Alberich story that one of the ladies at the store was telling me about! :D Hope so. Or maybe I'll be lucky and get some odd new book that's linked to her "fairy tale remakes" books. Lackey seems to want to rewrite the more popular fairy tales. I like The Black Swan best out of those though. ^________^ I mean, d00d, Odile rocks.
I shall go do Math, then indulge myself with the second book of the new manga I started this post with. Maybe I'll scan some of the prettier pictures, then you'll understand.
I have a feeling it's an old series though. Kit, do you have this series called Sleepers? It's yaoi, but published by G Comics.
08:07 p.m.
HAHA! I got her to like Complicated! :D I'm so proud of me.
We were studying at the new Burger King that's come up near my house today. (Yes, we weren't at Bishan, and yes, we weren't at McDonald's. Don't die of shock.) Since her Math paper is over, asking her for help is mildly redundant, 'specially since her brain died while reading some Econs stuff which she keeps telling me is "very EXTREMELY boring!"
I'm so screwed tomorrow! I mean, I haven't looked through my binomial thingies, can't do quite a few questions from the Mock Paper From Hell, and need to memorise trigonometrical stuff. I mean, I can't remember how to convert sine to cosine, and stuff to other stuff. Y'know, all the complementary angles and things? Yeah, those.
If I fail Math, I'm going to /kick/ myself, because Math is the one thing that I haven't totally lost confidence in. That and Bio. Failing either one of those two, or Chinese, would be humiliating and stupid. >.<
I just hope I dont' run out of time. T.T That's probably my worst enemy right now; the limited time and things.
11:38 p.m.
WHEE. And the /minute/ my mother comes home, I get a mini-lecture on "how can you still be online while you're having exams" and stuff.
Shit. Y'know? Just /shit/.
11:34 p.m.
Hey Ra, you wanted the lyrics for Sk8er Boi? Here.
Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne
he was a boi she was a girl can I make it anymore obvious
he was a sk8er boi
5 years from now she sits at home feeding the baby
he was a sk8er boi she said see you later boi he wasn't good
sorry girl but you missed out
he's just a boi
i'm with the sk8er boi
11:06 p.m.
I love Charmed. ^_____________________^
I feel like writing. Maybe it's because I'm depressed or something, but I feel like writing fic. I don't know /what/ fic yet, but fic! :D Haven't felt like this for a while. Which reminds me. I need to go find names for Dreamy and minna-chan-tachi.
... That was not a reference to T3. They have their own names, and I don't think they have my problem with disliking my name. It was a reference to old old old old OLD characters I created a looooooooooong time ago.
I feel like sleeping early. Wanna huddle in bed and think of fic-related things, and for just one night, not think about exams. Just /one/.
09:02 p.m.
The paper today was very incredibly fucked up. I think I'm going to fail this paper, and since it's 60 of 150 marks, to pass the overall paper, I'm going to have to do pretty well for the other two papers. Anyone who's seen my Physics exam papers, you know what deep shit I'm in, I think.
Anyway, GP was okay, but the passage B of the comprehension had really really REALLY good English, and it was the kind that I have to read at least twice to /understand/. >.< The first time I read one sentence, my reaction would be something like "huh?" *blinkblink* and things. Damnit, I'm just going to fail my promos.
Feel like shit.
I have four more bloody exam days. Three of which are consecutive, and next week. Which means that this weekend, I have to cram for Bio, Chem and Physics. My three sciences. Lucky me, eh?
Anyway, say hello to fucked up life in cage when the results come in. I think I'm going to screw it up so bad that my parents are going to chain me to my study table.
...Or they would if I had one.
09:27 p.m.
Okay, okay. I'll stop bugging you! Since you get really irritated at me, and I don't think I'm going to get kicked out of this blargh-funk just yet, you're free for a while.
Sometimes your parents just say the thing that's been in your head. And it turns out that it's the worst possible thing they could have told you two days before your exams, coz it totally killed what little self-esteem you had in the first place, and it sucks, coz usually, no matter how much other people disbelieve you, most people usually have the right to believe that their /parents/ at least, have faith in them.
Yep. Perfect timing.
12:25 p.m.
*lol* Elvin told me to go "mug like a chao mugger". I am very amused, don't ask me why.
So, off I go to mug. Wish me luck, especially so I don't break down and start hyperventilating in the morning. I've done that before.
12:15 p.m.
I feel, to put it simply, like shit.
Tomorrow's I'm having Physics III and GP, and stuff that was said last night has now made me so afraid that I'll fail everything that I have a feeling that at the very least, I'm going to panic and screw up pretty much all my papers.
I'll leave you to read that again slowly, so that the meaning actually comes through.
01:16 a.m.
Damn. I've just proved my Pathetico-girl status to myself.
Whee.
08:59 p.m.
All numb now.
07:55 p.m.
Come to think of it... The reason why I don't miss anybody is because I don't think about it. If I did, I'd end up bawling in a corner.
... Pathetico girl, yessiree.
Maybe that's why I'm so absentminded.
07:34 p.m.
AND! My sister just presented me with this huge bouquet of orchids, to "encourage me for my exams" and I feel totally BLARGH for not studying as much as I should have, or could have, as well as incredibly touched.
Damnit, being all teary and stuff SUCKS.
I also feel really really stupid for all the whining.
... I feel like this... I dunno. Pathetic little worm would be a good description, I think.
Ugh. Much suckage. I'll go elsewhere to brood and feel all unhappy and stuff.
07:22 p.m.
I love this song.
I'm With You - by Avril Lavigne
I'm standing on the bridge
Isn't anyone trying to find me
It's a damn cold night
I'm looking for a place
Isn't anyone trying to find me
It's a damn cold night
Why is everything so confusing
Chorus
I typed out the whole song. -_-;;; Not a good sign.
07:10 p.m.
Today was a wonderful day until my mom just said that I didn't study. I hate being maligned, y'know?
Met Adrienne and Joy today. Adz was off studying in Perth, and she's back for a short holiday (less than a week) and it's been so long since I've seen her, that I was looking forward to today, a MONDAY. We were talking about things, and there's been so much going on in her life! It feels so good to trade problems in /so long/ that I can't keep my mouth shut now. I've been so used to hiding everything, or running away from stuff, or kicking it into a corner and dealing with it later that now that I've started talking, I can't stop. After Adz left, I called up Joy, coz I was feeling all weird and lonely and stuff, and I blabbered on for about half an hour, although I know Joy prolly wants to study. We have Physics Paper 3 on Wednesday.
...Which reminds me, I haven't touched Physics at all.
Out of point, I know. Anyway, I'm feeling all depressed now. Keep tearing for no reason, don't know why.
Haven't had someone to spill everything to in a looooooooong time. I used to confide in Adz, Joy, Jing, Ira and Elvin a lot, but they're overseas and busy, busy with school and her life, overseas and stressed in school, busy with school and personal stuff, and stressed out and majorly mugging, respectively. Elvin's also harder to talk to now. I think I haven't really told him anything in MONTHS. I haven't emailed Jing and Adz for a helluva long time, too, coz it isn't nice to whine so often, and so much.
I whine enough here for 4 people. -_-;;;
Just feel all sucky and stuff.
I should stop whining now, yeah?
11:38 a.m.
You know it isn't going to the best day of your life when you wake up depressed.
11:27 p.m.
I just finished reading Strings of Fate by Jen and man, I am so depressed. I don't know why, since it has a pretty happy ending. I'm just weird that way. Throughout all the angst bits, I was soooooooooo on the verge of tears.
Yes, I am a sentimental twit. I was going to say "little twit" but decided to scrap the "little". That makes me even more pathetic.
Anyway, I think I'm beginning to get freaked. All the twitchy, nervous symptoms are coming back. >.< The nausea, the choked-feeling... Everything. I get more nervous as I get older, I think. I used to get all this the day before the exam. It's two and a half days or so to my first paper, and I'm already showing all the signs. Wonder what I'll be like on Wednesday morning. That's why I read Strings of Fate. I was hoping it'd cheer me up.
I think I'll go read Poison Elves. That's something that won't make me depressed, I think. Almost anything I read has that effect on me. >.< I am pathetico-girl, as she would say. Good luck, luv. Don't panic. It doesn't help.
Lord Peter books don't depress me either. :D
But /man/, Lord Peter rambles a lot. o.o;;;;;;;;;
09:00 p.m.
Oh gods, I feel sick.
12:24 a.m.
Headache. Vaguely sleepy.
10:10 p.m.
Hmm. I really like Sugababes. That's a music group, for those who don't know. I mean, the song that's been playing a lot on radio is called Round Round, and it has a very catchy beat. Avril Lavigne is also good. At least, the songs I've heard are nice. Complicated is good.
09:57 p.m.
How spiffing! You're Alexander the Great!
Yeah, baby. You were the King of Macedonia, and conqueror of much of the world; you're responsible for the spread of Christianity, as well as Hellenistic society and even the Roman Empire. Your power was feared for thousands of miles around.
And how gay were you. When you'd conquered Persia, you fell in love with a male courtier from that court - scandalous in those days, because the Persians were believed to be uncivilised barbarians.
You were always really in love with your boyhood friend, Hephaestion, and when he died you were grief-stricken to a legendary degree: convinced that he would live on after death, you passed away soon afterwards.
*bursts out laughing* Oh, Aine-chan will LOVE this!!
09:49 p.m.
I am so pathetic. I've been studying a little, and it turns out that half of the entire span of time that I stare at my notes or am otherwise attempting to fit knowledge into my memory space, I'm slacking. -_-;;; In short, I probably studied less than 4 hours today. That is so pathetic.
For some strange reason, I focus better when studying out of the house with other people. Meia seems to induce the least distraction. O.O;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Weird. I would've thought she'd be really distracting, what with odd comments about game, manga, anime or book characters popping out once she gets overstressed or bored or distracted.
Anyway, maybe her majesty will deign to study with me tomorrow, but I've got to at /least/ finish this chapter by tonight. Wish me luck. I'm on the chapter on DNA. This means the basics of DNA, the process of DNA replication, transcription, translation, basics of gene manipulation, and the applications of genetic engineering. That's not all of it, I think. *sighs*
Here goes.
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Copyright © Kaori-chan (Adeline) 2001.
