Friday, March 21, 2003
12:15 a.m.
For you, I hope you know who you are. Yes, I know I can be a self-centered bitch who keeps thinking only about herself, and I know you don't talk about your problems because you know other people have problems so you don't want to burden them with yours. I'm SORRY that I wasn't born you, because I'm not. Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough, because since you can do it, obviously it's not impossible, then FINE, I'll try harder, but damnit, /everybody/ needs someone to scream to, otherwise they'll just break to little pieces. You have a diary right? I bet it has the stuff you don't really tell other people. THEN LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, my diary lives in the heads of certain people in my life who put aside some of their time to help me figure out ways to solve my problems, and (I hope) their diaries are in my head too.
[Edit] I don't even know what I'm doing this /for/, since I don't know whether she still reads this.
[Edit II] If you are reading this, then I'll just tell you this. You asked, I told you. Don't blame me if you don't like what you hear.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
11:45 p.m.
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I hate it when I feel guilty and ashamed and have to keep suppressing the "curl up and hide" reaction! I hate it that I'm feeling like I'm about to throw up because I keep thinking about cycles and anger and fear and EVERYTHING. I HATE IT!
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
09:41 p.m.
*pain* Reading sweet, well-written, funny, cute, adorable, (fill in your own adjectives. I'm running out) fic which began with suicide and loneliness and hurting causes me Pain. But it has a happy ending, and I think they deserve it. Race Ulfson's Squall and Seifer are very cool characters. I like all his FF8 characters, actually. Those that I've read anyway.
Speaking of Empathy... Y'know when I used to read Mercedes Lackey practically every day of my life? (I still read her stuff. My mom says there's some new stuff coming in in April. She's ordering it for me I think.) I used to pity-sympathise-hurtfor-etc the Empaths, because damnit, it probably hurts like hell to be born with the ability to sense how others are feeling. But at least Lackey's Empaths have the strange inborn ability to soothe others hurts; like they happen to sense what's wrong, and they help soothe the pain. In Ender's Game and Speaker for the Dead... Good gods, Orson Scott Card writes Empathy much much deeper and much stronger than Lackey ever did, as far as I can remember. He writes Empathy well enough to make his reader weep. It's very very very well-written.
[Edit]I decided to toss the author recs over to here, since this page is taking forever to load already and the list is unexpectedly long. I have to remember to archive sometime.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
09:02 p.m.
Orson Scott Card makes me very very introspective, and I love Race Ulfson's fics. XD
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
01:01 a.m.
*sighs* I wonder if I'm being a coward, choosing not to speak to those who I think are angry at me. Am I running away? Or am I being sensible and giving them time to cool down? Or am I just keeping away because I think their anger is misplaced, although I can understand why they might be angry at me, but I simply don't feel as if I deserve it... Much.
Yeah, I can be a stupid idiot who pisses people off, but I admit it, at least, and I know when to keep away and to just stop, when someone can't take it anymore. I guess maybe I'm keeping away because I think they're mad at me (it might just be paranoia, hopefully) plus I'm letting it lie inside my head for a while, hoping that whatever I'm feeling will fade, too.
No, I don't know what I'm feeling. I still think it's cowardice though, running away from facing all this, anyway.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
10:18 p.m.
Yeah, I know I haven't written for a while. Been busy doing stuff, plus keeping myself from breaking down and screaming my head off. >.>;; I did that a few days back. Was ranting about stuff to my sister (Thank GOD that she's back) and broke down and started crying. >.>;;; Stupid.
Anyway, Xenosaga soundtrack! *drool* And damnit, those two have hooked me onto Xenosaga. Eeeeeeeee. It's impossible to download the soundtrack. >.>;;; This irritates me.
And I want to re-read Shaman King, which is mostly with Aine. T.T Nevermind. She's writing me FIC! So I'm not too totally upset. But I'm still pissed off. I was talking to my sister and KY about it, and I'll probably talk to a few other people about it, but I haven't gotten pissed off enough to blog it yet, although there was a time when I was very tempted. I went over and ranted at my sister instead.
Ugh, I think I have to go for a blood test tomorrow. >.> I hate this kinda stuff.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
10:51 p.m.
Tired as hell. Going to bed ASAP. Drama meeting after school tomorrow.
I am /so/ not looking forward to Saturday. That is going to be one hellish day. >.> I have a VERY packed schedule. XO I wish I could just fall over and die.
We went to Pulau Tekong today. It was interesting, sort of. Some of my classmates spotted their friends. :> It was amusing. Hmm. It's interesting. I know at least one guy who's looking forward to going to Tekong. I found that amusing, too. :> I think he'll do pretty well though. He seems as if he ought to, anyway.
Gah. Can't take it anymore. Maybe I'll blog more about Tekong tomorrow. Tired as hell.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
12:05 a.m.
*purr* Must! Re! Read! Ender's Game! And droooooool over Alai and Ender. XD XD SQUEE!
*falls over and dies* Stupid essay. >.> Drained my brain.
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
07:25 p.m.
I love my mommy! She bought me the entire SERIES I asked for last night, which I never expected she would get in the space of a DAY, 'specially since she just bought me $80 worth of books yesterday, and she bought another series that I was intending to check out (which means that I scribbled the names down somewhere, and she happened to see it) without me asking!
*purr* So I have swag. ^_________^ Also commonly known as loot, booty, treasure, hoard, precious stuff... *puuuuuuuuuuuuurr*
Of course I'll share.
So I have lots and lots of stuff to read now. *happy* I have Ender's Game and the books of that series. I have Tamora Pierce, Diana Wynne Jones and PILES of Orson Scott Card. *bliss*
But I have an essay to write, and Math to do. *sighs* Not to mention S-Cubed thing tomorrow. We're going to Tekong. T.T Save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Monday, March 10, 2003
08:35 p.m.
He is a lot like Ralph, isn't he? I'm almost at the halfway mark. He just got into Rat Army. This is interesting. XD
[Edit] Oh gods. I love you. I finished it. I love the book very very very much. I will find another copy of this book and buy it, as well as any sequels. The ending makes me want to cry.
Sunday, March 9, 2003
11:39 p.m.
Why is it that things in Reality tend to bring me down? Not just down, as in depressed, but make me become all realistic and practical and pessimistic and angry and sad and everything at once? My parents ---not only my parents, actually. A lot of people--- make me feel as if I can't do anything right. I simply mess things up, am not responsible enough, aren't doing my best, am running away...
Well, maybe I am, but stop saying you want the best for me then! It really doesn't look like it. You want what's SAFEST for me, not really for me to be happy. I really don't think that... ARGH! I can't even think of how to say it! It makes me all twisted up again. I'm WASTING all my Diana-Wynne-Jones-induced-happiness on THIS! No way!
Sunday, March 9, 2003
07:34 p.m.
I hate the real world. I hate having to come back to it time and time and time again. I love reading, I love going out with May-chan and Aine-chan and minna-chan-tachi because just for a while, everything goes away, so I can stop and take a breath and FORGET. Maybe it's unrealistic (I can imagine a specific someone telling me that it's unrealistic, and we all have to deal with it anyway, and all the stuff like that, but I don't want to embaress him. Much.) and it's childish, and I should just learn to DEAL WITH IT, because we all do, but FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I'm TRYING. I get panic-attacks, sometimes, where I have to watch my breathing so I don't start hyperventilating, or where I have to force my shoulder and neck muscles to relax, so that I can breath properly. It's not fun okay? And maybe if I wasn't so scared and didn't dislike reality so much, I wouldn't have so much to deal with, but I can't help that I am this scared and this pathetic, and want to run away so much. I can't help it that I'm like this.
And damnit, it would be so fun if I could just step out of everything. Step out of time; make everything stop just where I want it to, so I can take a rest and breathe, slowly recover and pluck up the courage to go on.
One thing that really makes me frustrated? I know, I know that there are lots and lots and lots of people out there, some of whom are my friends who have worse lives than me, who're in worse conditions, and they don't whine about it, they don't scream and they can't hide from it either. And I can hear him telling me that, and I can hear myself telling me that, and it just makes me angry and scared and frustrated, and it makes me think that I'm such a despicable thing, and that I should be grateful, and that makes me so ANGRY that I don't know what to do. I hate feeling all ripped up and twisted.
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! DAMNIT!
Sunday, March 9, 2003
07:02 p.m.
READ PHILLIP PULLMAN. The series is called His Dark Materials, although I don't see the significance. I don't care what religion you are, what you normally like to read, whether you usually read or not. READ HIM. As long as you're human, and you can appreciate what beauty is, you'll like this.
Oh, gods, it is so beautifully written. Now I need more Diana Wynne Jones to distract from the sheer, unadulterated awe of reading Phillip Pullman, so that I can concentrate on other things. Oh gods. It was so wonderful.
Thursday, March 6, 2003
11:02 p.m.
HEY! YOU got the psychotic character that wiped out an entire village on a whim AND participated in the final battle with three wings instead of a lower body and legs, and another three wings on your back! Who're you to talk?!
Thursday, March 6, 2003
10:52 p.m.
My head feels heavy all the time, and I get dizzy and disoriented easily. >.> Combined with the sudden, out-of-the-blue nosebleeds, this freaks me out. Considering how paranoid I can get, and how paranoid my mom can get, it's surprising that my mom isn't freaking out, and I'm quite nervy about it. >.>;;; Oh well.
Anyway, AO-level Chinese results out today. I got a B4, and I don't know if I ought to retake or not. I got a pass for my oral. >.> What a drop from a distinction in O-levels. Blargh. It's demoralising. I dunno. I'm just lazy to take the paper again. I guess that's kind of a stupid reason, yeah? *sighs* Dunno. I need to talk to my sister first. I know my mom is hoping that I'll retake, but will let me make my own decision.
I think I should be able to get an A, but I don't know if I will. That's what I'm considering now, I guess. :/
Wednesday, March 5, 2003
10:47 p.m.
Whoa, this is freaky. I took my medicine a little while ago, and I'm currently fighting the urge to sleep (that's what cough mixture does). It's making me a bit dizzy and disoriented. >.>;;;
[Edit] Not to mention making me type funny. >.>;;
Wednesday, March 5, 2003
04:37 p.m.
Today's entry is in the LJ, because I felt like it.
Tuesday, March 4, 2003
11:18 p.m.
The Yaoi Selector: Which Uke are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
EEEEEEEEEEE! *dies laughing* Why do we always get matching seme-uke results? XD XD I got Clark, you got Lex. Now it's Sephiroth and Cloud. *rotfl* XD XD XD This amuses me immensely.
Tuesday, March 4, 2003
03:22 p.m.
I love Ken and Dai, but goddamnit, some of those fics hurt. T.T
Tuesday, March 4, 2003
02:06 p.m.
I don't know if it's just me being an idiot, but somehow, some of the things I read, like Arcana, with lots of angst, make me want to cry. It hurts to empathize, but I read everything that way, I think. It's stupid, but it's also me. >.>;;; Sometimes I think I'm just stupid.
And I think that if I don't see May-chan and Aine-chan at least once a week to restock on some of my natural insanity, I'm going to go stark raving MAD. >.>;; My natural insanity is like a buffer against all that reality that I live with everyday. I don't know how to explain it, but when I spend time with them, it's like, I have a little more space in my life. A little more time. When I don't spend time with them, it feels like everything's closing in on me, and I feel so strangled. >.>;;;
Monday, March 3, 2003
11:10 p.m.
Hmm, turns out we didn't earn that much the other night. :/ Only about $700+ in total. That's quite bad... *sighs* Oh well.
Meep. I'm running out of antibiotics, I've run out of flu medicine, and my dad isn't due back for another four days. *pause* I'm dead.
I was talking to Raeza and Jing Yan today. Jing Yan's quite scared, and dem disappointed, coz he got 16 points... :/ Poor thing. The two of 'em were sitting around accompanying me while I was eating. We were talking and stuff. ^__^ Y'know, at first when I didn't get a chance to talk to Raeza properly, I was quite twitchy around him, but now it's better. He's really nice, and I think this batch of juniors are dem cool. I know at least two or three who've been both cast and crew, and I think that is really great! :D It's like, Raeza was telling me about his secondary school stuff, and how he was stage manager one year, understudy for one play another year, and how he had to sit, for two hours, on a two-storey high scaffolding one year, dropping handfuls of styrofoam down coz there was supposed to be a blizzard outside the window. Hee. So amusing.
I think Jing Yan is really quite worried though. He didn't joke half as much as usual, and he was practically smacking his head on the table. Hope they all stay... I like this batch of juniors, surprisingly. Most of them, anyway. There are some that make me grit my teeth and pray for patience, but there are the nice, sweet ones, too. :> That makes it sort of worth it. I can't wait to see the comm. I should think that I'll be quite glad to pass the stuff on. I think they'd make a better comm than us. ^^;;
Oh, I forgot to mention. On Saturday, I got to know Emily, Josh, Joe, Michelle and Michelle (I find that amusing, for some reason. :> Those two are so cute!), Darius, Raeza and Audrey better. ^______^ They're fun. Josh turns out to be really good with kids, sort of. And Emily, too. There are four Michelles in Drama this year, just the J1s, and I still can't figure out who's who. I know who Michelle O'Malley is, and I think the other actor-Michelle is Michelle Lee. I know one of the two Michelles on Saturday told me that she was Michelle Inaini, but I can't remember which. ^^;;; Oops? I'm stupid, I know.
Heh. At least I can tell the twins apart now, although it takes a little longer when I'm tired, or brain dead. Toward the end of the night, I was turning to look in one twin's direction, pausing for a few seconds, then calling him by the right name. But hey, at least I got the names right. ^_____^
*lol* I wonder why I keep lecturing KY. :P Almost everytime I talk to her, I seem to give her a lecture, or a preaching, or something like that. Sorry. It isn't intentional. It's just a habit. Like, see friend feeling down, distract him/her with words. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of 'em. :P
[Edit] Meep. Now you've gone and made me all depressed. It sounds like a good story, and I'd love to read it if you write it. ^__^ I'd get depressed as hell, but that's just me being me. I wouldn't mind writing that fic, come to think of it. But I bet your idea is just sitting in your head waiting to get written, so I'll just wait for it.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I was just downloading Wang Li Hong's music. It's good, if sad and depressing and very sappy. It's mostly about love, and it is VERY good. His voice is nice. The background music is great. Aine-chan, I think you might like it.
Sunday, March 2, 2003
10:07 p.m.
Oh! I forgot to say that last night, the Barker councillors were at the dinner also! So fun. XD Saw Adler and YuanSheng. ^________^ Dem fun. It was like, Wendy squealed and whapped me repeatedly to get me to look up, and I looked up, saw Adler grinning at me and got a huge shock. It was like,"HEY!" XD XD and stuff.
Amusing. Pity Marc and Eric aren't councillors. It would've been fun to see them again. ^_____^ I bet we'll see them at Exodus though. :D
Hmm. Wanna write fic. Have had an idea floating around in my head for a few days. This might be fun. XD
Sunday, March 2, 2003
09:48 p.m.
Since my layout is already screwed up, this will fit in just fine. *snickers insanely*
The Yaoi Selector: Which Seme are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
So hilarious. *snicker*
Spent most of the afternoon in front of my computer. Started off mildly depressed, and have had yoyo-ing emotions the whole day, mainly due to the fics I was reading. Whee.
Ken and Dai. Wub. *puuurr*
Sunday, March 2, 2003
04:51 p.m.
Last night was tiring as hell. I feel like wearing my new shoes for a while, just for the fun of it.
I'm feeling weird today. Dunno why, dunno how. I'm tired, and I wanna write, but I'm mildly depressed. Was reading this book by Diana Wynne Jones called The Homeward Bounders, and the ending is sort of bittersweet. I like the book, but man, I can't believe that these are supposed to be children's books. Most of her books are for kids, and they're really really good. They hold a lot of meaning, and the concepts can get pretty complex at times.
Sunday, March 2, 2003
01:12 a.m.
O.O;;; Bloody hell. All I did was lean over my keyboard and I felt something too fluid to be mucus flow down my nasal passages. Thank goodness I grabbed a tissue in time. Blood on the keyboard would SUCK, and that's an understatement. So I ran off to shower and things. It's stopped now. I've had nosebleeds before. Used to have them ALL the time when I was younger. But it's been a while... I think it's a combination of stress (probably physical. I'm killing myself with screwy eating habits), too little sleep and not enough water. *sighs*
Tired. Sleep.
And when I say screwy eating habits, what I actually mean is, today for breakfast I ate a box of popcorn chicken (large), skipped lunch, skipped dinner.
I love me.
Saturday, March 1, 2003
12:42 a.m.
Urk. Damnit, the nervous little tic under my left eye is starting again. >.> And it's only the first day of all-day-work. XO XO I'm dead.
Friday, February 28, 2003
11:43 p.m.
I just got home a short while ago. Around 11-ish. Tired. And it was a good thing that I decided to go for the debates thing tonight, coz Xing didn't turn up. How wonderful. She didn't even call us or anything. XO
The O-level results came out today, and I was out with Wendy, Debz and Sondha at the time (Yes, darling SC2 people, I've already heard the "SO ANTISOCIAL!" etc comments. :P You can say it all you want. It's not that I'm antisocial. I had to work. Jason didn't. Simple as that). It was really funny the way one of us looked at our watches/handphones and went,"Oh my gosh! It's 3 o'clock! The results are out!" and immediately dove for all four handphones and started SMSing everybody. Wendy, Debs and I were SMSing the Drama juniors that we're close to, or that we at least knew well enough to talk to... Turns out that some of them did really badly... The four of us were really funny. We were like worrying so much for them. I think I worried for our juniors almost as bad as for myself, a year back. I was pretty much resigned to my grade. I mean, get it, open it, look and just DEAL. That's how my mentality goes.
But I guess some of the J1s are really quite bad... I don't really care WHAT they got... As in, knowing their results would help, so I know what to say, but what I was, and am, really concerned about is how they're holding up. I hope they're okay...
One piece of better news though. :D I bought this pair of cream coloured high-heeled sandals for $33 at Jurong Point, which was where we were hanging around while wasting time before going to Yusof Ishak. Heheh... I was originally looking for a black pair of sandals, in case I wanted to switch to my "girly blacks".
That refers to my CNY suit of... um... Sec 3, I think. Or Sec 4. White, tight, spaghetti strap that shows midriff, black soft bellbottoms, black three-quarter sleeved black shirt (which is sort of translucent. the white is a LOT worse. I have that, too) and a pair of black sandals, or platforms. [Note: Yes, I wore all black with that tiny bit of white for Chinese New Year once. So fun. ^________^ ]
Sadly, my platforms (grey) and my high-heeled sandals (black) both died this CNY, so I couldn't wear that outfit. Anyway, my pants is with a friend.
BUT! I decided to leave it up to fate. If I could find a pair of black high-heeled sandals today in the space of time we had while in Jurong Point, I'd wear the "girly formal blacks". If not, I'd just wear my normal "guy"-ish formal blacks.
Turns out I couldn't find a black pair of heels, so "guy" it is. It's sort of easier for me, I guess. No hassle about looking fat and all that stuff. ^^;;; And about my hair length and all that crap. *sighs* I had long hair when I last wore that outfit. It /really/ made me look girly. I wonder how I'd look in it now... Maybe I'll go try it on sometime, just to see. XD
Gah. Tomorrow's schedule is hell too, but my shoulder hurts too much for me to write it now. >.> Hooooooot shower!
Thursday, February 27, 2003
11:19 p.m.
Grrr... This is irritating. coughing my lungs out. >.>;;;
Thursday, February 27, 2003
10:51 p.m.
I think being T3 is fun, because most of time when I meet them, we talk about things that aren't really Reality. Sometimes my RL friends make me think about reality too much.
Heh. My house was too noisy to stay in today, so I escaped and hid out at J8 till May was free to meet me. It was kind of fun, just me, my notebook, and a drink. I was sitting at Mos, so said drink was a medium cup of milk tea.
I liked it, sort of. I might end up doing that tomorrow. :P It's Founder's Day celebrations tomorrow, so we get a half-day. I have to bring the stuff I'm wearing on Saturday night tomorrow for them to check. >.>;;; I hope mine's acceptable. I really don't want to have to run around Singapore tomorrow searching for an outift. *sighs*
Anyway, my class wants to go out tomorrow, but I don't really wanna go. They're going ice-skating, and I don't particularly feel like getting cold and wet in addition to being sick.
*sighs*
Hmm. I liked today though. Maybe I'll find somewhere where I can hide out for a while. >.>;;;
Thursday, February 27, 2003
12:34 p.m.
I should've bought 4D yesterday. It was a day for rare sights. First, my parents offered to let me stay home, because I only got less than two hours of sleep the entire night, and I was starting to get sick. Sore throat, running/stuffed nose, the works. You know how rare that is? The fact that they let me stay home, not that I fall sick.
Even rarer, (everybody pay attention now!) I refused! *waits for the gasps of shock to die down* Yeah. I chose to go to school, even on less than two hours of sleep and falling sick. Why?
1. Yesterday was the day that renovations in my house started. The first thing they're doing is drilling. So there's no point staying home since I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. They're still drilling now.
2. My attendance for this year SUCKS.
3. I had some ticketing stuff, and some other stuff to help Wendy with. I feel dem bad when we intend to do some stuff on that day, and then I don't go.
There were other reasons but I can't remember them right now.
I must've looked really sick at some point, because two of the Drama teachers were asking me if I was alright, and telling me not to stress, and to take care, and get more sleep... etc.
I was actually pretty okay in the morning, but I think I started fevering half way through the day. And I was fevering all the way until last night. Quite horrible. And my mom told me to stay out until after dinner, because there was no dinner at home and stuff. So I did. I hung around in school until 5+, 6, then went to meet May-chan and Aine-chan for dinner. That was quite fun. ^_____^ And Aine-chan's hooked me onto Bread Talk's Raisin Bread! Yummy. :D
So I went home around 8-ish, and believe it or not, went to bed around 9-ish, 10. So it wasn't TOO pissy when the drilling woke me up at 9am in the morning.
I don't care where I have to go. I can't write with this racket. XO XO XO I think I'll go out for lunch with my mom, then hide out somewhere and wait for May. I'll try and do some writing. Dai-chan and Ken-kun are so cute. :D
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
09:26 p.m.
Meep. Temperature went up. I'm freezing now. T.T
Sleeeeep.
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
08:35 p.m.
Having a fever. There's a Bio practical test tomorrow. I forgot all about it until Shujuan reminded me. So now what do I do? Go to school and screw up the test majorly, or stay at home and have to wake up when they begin drilling, which I can almost guarantee will be too early?
*sighs* I dunno. Stayed in school until 5+ or 6 or something like that, then took an MRT down to Bishan to meet May-chan and Aine-chan to have dinner. It was fun, but damn, constant fever sucks. I was having fever almost half the day. I wonder if I should be proud that my brain is still functioning well enough for me to type this?
Rar. I need a shower. I also need to find some place to hide out and /sleep/ while the bloody drilling goes on.
Tired.
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
08:30 p.m.
What the fuck is wrong with my layout?
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
06:05 a.m.
*frustrated, pissed off and tired* I slept less than two hours the ENTIRE FUCKING NIGHT because my throat hurt, and I wanted to kill something. But if I stay at home, there's going to be drilling, so I'm going to school to be majorly grumpy.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *pissed*
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
12:13 a.m.
Urf. Headache. Getting sick. I can feel my throat starting to screw up already, I'm sneezing, sniffling, and headache.
T.T
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
10:17 p.m.
I'm tired, my head hurts, one eye feels stressed/strained and hurts a little, in a weird way, and I'm feeling demoralised as hell.
Got two papers back today. I failed both. That's two out of three subjects already. I am /so/ going to get totally screwed over. By my teachers (as in, the ones that teach me), by the Drama teachers, by my parents, by myself (Hello alter-ego)... The list goes on.
Owshit, my headache just got worse. >.>
And I have to hand in my Math file tomorrow. I hope I already completed all the stuff... *panic*
Renovations in my house start tomorrow. So I have to stay out of the house until... maybe 6ish? *sighs*
Oh, and the J1 play ROCKED. Really, it did. So fuuuuun! And, naturally, we stayed as long as possible to help them clear up everything. I ended up getting home at 9.30 and eating dinner then. Some of the younger ones are REALLY good. As in, they act well, and some of them crew really well, too.
'sgood.
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
12:17 a.m.
I love hot showers. Don't you? Sleep. Tired.
Monday, February 24, 2003
11:15 p.m.
ARGH, shit, two and a half hours of fiddling with name lists and crap for Drama. I'm tired as hell. Need a shower, NOW. >.>
Monday, February 24, 2003
10:39 p.m.
Erk. Kaori-chan, HELP! What the HECK?
Monday, February 24, 2003
10:24 p.m.
Shit, tired as hell. Running on a very short fuse. I wanna just toss everything other than Dai-chan and Ken out of my head and just sit around /writing/. I miss it, goddamnit. I was writing snippets today on my /handphone/, because writing it on paper would make everyone look over my shoulder and make me /die/. So I wrote it in my SMS. And DAMNIT, I wanna write Kensuke, or Daiken, whichever. I don't mind writing Taito, or Yamachi, either. Those four keep running round in my head, and for once in a long, loooooooooooong time, I'm enjoying it. Dai-chan is adorable, and so's Ken, and although I BET that I'm writing them waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay OOC, I don't mind all that badly.
A couple of hours of Drama and I have a headache, gastric, plus I can feel my neck tensing up. How's that for instant stress?
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *pissed off*
Admin work SUCKS. Hate. XO XO XO XO
Monday, February 24, 2003
12:12 a.m.
May-chan, have you seen pictures of Ken from the anime or manga yet? Guess who springs to mind immediately...?
AKIRA. Ken reminds me of Akira, from HnG. I mean, hey, genius, introverted, cute with black hair cut in that kind of style, usually paired with the bouncy, genki kid... The similarities make me want to start giggling at the computer screen and cause my parents to give me weird looks and sidle away. Again.
*glomps Meia* And naturally, I have you to thank for hooking me onto yet ANOTHER fandom. But that's okay, because I hooked you onto HnG, loooooooooooong ago, and I hooked you onto FoR, and Loki, and... Stuff which I can't remember. :D Fangirlyness!
I want Digimon anime! NOW!
Monday, February 24, 2003
12:03 a.m.
Tired, sleepy, no idea why. I give up on studying. I still haven't finished Plant Transport, and Respiration and Photosynthesis are still snarly little lumps of words in my head, tangled up together.
Tomorrow is the day I die.
Farewell, dear friends. Burn my manga and books with me.
Sunday, February 23, 2003
09:52 p.m.
I do not want to write Digimon slash, I do not want to write Digimon slash, I do not want to write Digimon slash...
This isn't working! >.> EEEEEEEE.
Sunday, February 23, 2003
09:11 p.m.
I love you both and you have my eternal gratitude for reccing all the URLs that you did. *heart*
Now I just have to pick up my brain from all over the floor, defrost my fingers, and try and kick my brain to study again. >.>
I /so/ want to print stuff to re--- Hey, actually, that isn't too bad an idea. Considering that I'll have three hours to kill tomorrow... Hehehe...
I wonder how much I can shock my classmates... XD
Sunday, February 23, 2003
02:18 p.m.
FUCK!
STUDY, IDIOT, STUDY. >.>
... But shower first.
Saturday, February 22, 2003
11:53 p.m.
My eyes hurt. >.> I kept intending to study more, but I only finished Respiration, and I have two chapters to do tomorrow. T.T Uh oh.
Gah. Sleep. Eyes huuuuuurt. Continuous tearing sucks.
Saturday, February 22, 2003
11:20 p.m.
*heart* Thank you. :D The Sen to Chihiro fics are good.
Saturday, February 22, 2003
10:37 p.m.
And since I forgot to say this the other day, preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty.
Friday, February 21, 2003
10:45 p.m.
I was free to go home at 10.30, but I ended up spending the entire day with Shujuan. We went to Coffee Bean at Holland Village and sat there from 11+ until 4+. How's that for amazing? And I got to scratch a golden retriever. ^__________^ It was cute. Then after that, we walked back to Bouna Vista, and ended up taking a MRT to Bukit Batok to eat Sakae. :D So fun. It was quite cool, since we never ran out of topics to talk about. The whole day was pretty interesting. We were talking about lots of stuff.
And damn, Drama pisses me off. Monday, my early day, and there's going to be a comm meeting at 4.15. I finish at 1.35. Does that mean anything to you? No, no, I guess not. I'm just an unworthy *snarl* creature, yeah? Thanks so much.
Yep, I know I'm being a spoilt brat. Like I give a damn. Yes, I know Wendy, Debs and Sal finish early that too. So? That doesn't make me feel any better. Yeah, I have company, but that doesn't mean I'm not pissed off. FIVE DAYS A WEEK, and they had to pick Monday. *snarl* WONDERFUL.
And kor, just to give you some peace of mind, yes, fuckit, I'm going. That doesn't mean I won't grumble, so get that hope out of your head.
And as you can tell, I'm getting pissed at the messenger. I'll apologize as soon as I can think about it without me biting your head off.
And my eyes hurt. >.>
Thursday, February 20, 2003
10:00 p.m.
Oh man... I'm just going to read through my notes and pray that my brain remembers/recalls/picks up enough that I can pass tomorrow. >.>;;;
Thursday, February 20, 2003
09:17 p.m.
I hate curve-sketching. XO XO Hate hate HATE.
Thursday, February 20, 2003
02:48 p.m.
One thing absolutely LOVELY about exams is the getting to go home early bit. ^_________^
So I have one paper tomorrow, when most people have two. Whee! Math, which I haven't studied for at all. I mean it. I hope I don't fail it too. >.>;;;
Chem sucked, GP sucked. There was a 34 mark question, with all these little parts, in Section B (that's Structured Questions) out of a 40 mark section. How evil is that? XO XO
This of course being a Chemistry question.
And there was media violence for GP. AGAIN. I HATE THAT TOPIC. >.>
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
10:27 p.m.
*reminds self to breathe* Oh my god, I love you. Precise and Exactly is so incredibly sweet and so incredibly lovely. I'm totally... I dunno. I can't even describe it. Thank you so much. *glomppurr*
Erk. Study. >.> I really really hope/pray that I do well for this set of terms.
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
11:31 p.m.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER!
XD XD XD XD *bliss* *puuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr*
[Edit] And I'm begging you to plug more sappy sweet fluffy stuff. PLEASE??? I'll need them to destress a bit tonight. Promise I'll study! T.T Please? Need fiiiiiiiiic.
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
10:12 a.m.
Stupid body clock. 6 hours and Ding! I'm awake. XO XO
Monday, February 17, 2003
11:11 p.m.
*snrk* Back-side attack.
I'd forgotten ALL about that. *snicker*
Monday, February 17, 2003
08:20 p.m.
Hmm. Curled up on the floor to sleep. It was nice, but a bit too cold after a while, so I went over to my mom's room and borrowed her blanket and curled up with that. *purr* Slept till around 8. Then my dad woke me up to eat dinner.
It's been raining like crazy all afternoon, thank goodness. It's one reason why I could sleep at all. At 4+ in the afternoon, my room and my sister's room usually get really really hot and VERY bright, 'cause the evening sunlight is shining straight in through the windows. The curtains don't do all that much. It's comforting to doze in the sunlight, but you can't do it in my room coz there isn't enough space. If I wanna bask, I usually hop over to my sis's room.
Hmm. I am /so/ going to fail this term exam.
Monday, February 17, 2003
04:21 p.m.
I wonder if I could forcibly stop feeling anything for a while. I know I managed to do it before, but I wonder if I could do it now. I think I could probably stay detached if I were too tired to care, but then I'd be too tired to study, either. *sighs*
I dunno. Sleepy. Gonna curl up and sleep for a while.
Sunday, February 16, 2003
11:31 p.m.
So I just finished reading a sort-of children's book about "adventure through time and space". I think it's cool. :D It's a good book. It's a fantasy, obviously, and the main character is interesting. The entire story is fairly surreal, but I like it. Man, it's really rich. Very good for silly people like me who love to dream.
I love children's books. :>
Sunday, February 16, 2003
05:19 p.m.
Oh man, my mortal is so adorable! He's like another one of my "little bro's"! This is so much fuuuuuuuun. It's like, he's SO like me, yet he's not! It's so cute! XD
Sunday, February 16, 2003
04:49 p.m.
Ottava rima? Me? That can't be right!
Too frivolous? But tut, there's no such thing!
Let others ponder thoughts of wrong and right,
Or sit and think how much they love the spring;
I'd rather spend my time in gleeful spite,
Or maybe laugh, or maybe sit and sing.
Besides, it might be fun to be inspiring -
But surely it would get so very tiring. |
What Poetry Form Are You?
|
If I weren't Ottava Rima, I'd be a Haiku.
Strangely accurate... 'specially since I have no clue what the first one IS.
Sunday, February 16, 2003
04:20 p.m.
AUGH! PLEASE NO MORE FICS ABOUT PHONE CALLS AND WAITING! *cryyyyyy*
Sunday, February 16, 2003
04:00 p.m.
I've almost finished an entire box of Meltykiss and I'm /still/ not feeling better. This calls for... *drumroll* ...drastic measures. *whips out the slabs of Cadbury in the fridge, plus the Ferrero Roche*
Sunday, February 16, 2003
01:00 p.m.
... Oh my GOD, why do things like this keep resurfacing to HAUNT ME?
T.T
Sunday, February 16, 2003
12:49 p.m.
There was a full moon last night.
... And I didn't see it! T.T I didn't get a chance to check it out... So sad...
It was the last night of Chinese New Year last night. I was supposed to have dinner with my family, but my dad decided last minute that he was going out with his friends, and my mom arranged to play mahjong. Feel the love!
Saturday, February 15, 2003
11:07 p.m.
Lunch at 5pm and dinner at 11pm. Just my daily schedule.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
09:09 p.m.
o.o;;; I've been tasting acid all day. I take it this is a bad thing.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
07:56 p.m.
Thank you and I'm sorry for making you worry... I just get really really depressed at night. Daytime isn't too bad, but well, yeah.
Thank you all. ^_____^ Wub you all very very much.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
03:13 p.m.
Picture won't fit, but it says that I'm a
Scary yaoi fangirl. "Will someone please remove that stupid cloud??" You're one of the biggest yaoi fangirls. You only wish that the Japanese didn't censor their art so damn much.
All you guys better run, while you still can! (End of picture, in other words. The guys would freak at this picture. :P)
You're a SCARY yaoi fangirl.
Are you a yaoi fangirl?
brought to you by Quizilla
*lol* *highly amused*
Saturday, February 15, 2003
02:32 a.m.
Tired. I give up. I'm just going to go to bed. Maybe this deep blue funk will dissipate by tomorrow.
Saturday, February 15, 2003
01:37 a.m.
*blinks*
You're depressed. Really you are. And you
definitely have a reason. You often space out
and stare at things blankly, even if you're
normally hyper and energetic. This is because
nothing really seems important anymore. You
might just be sad right now, or you might be
manic depressive. Don't worry. Have some cocoa
and stuff'll be ok.
How Depressed are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
And we can all guess the reasons, can't we?
See? Stupidity. Saturday, February 15, 2003
01:28 a.m.
Emotional angst. Read at your own peril.
I miss my sister...
Tired as hell, probably because of the weight of my bag on one shoulder ALL DAY, suppression of emotional stuff, paranoia, much walkage, too much depression/thinking/venting/screaming/etc and stuff...
Shower and sleep, after blogging.
Friday, February 14, 2003
12:03 a.m.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone. :>
I'm tired, cold, and my feet ache. The cold seeps in at my feet. Apparantly, my circulation at my feet suck majorly, so I get cold really easily and my feet also take really long to warm up.
My sister's on her way to Melbourne. Y'know, it's unnerving. I didn't realise I was so dependent on my sister. Just now, in the bus (Yep, I took a bus home. So proud. XD And I got home at 9.30, but that's not the point.) I almost threw up when I thought about the next two weeks without my sister. >.>;;; Man. That's just weird. Maybe it's because she's the buffer between my parents and me. They generally get along better with her, because I rarely, if ever, open up to them. *sighs* Whatever. I miss my sister. T.T
I'm twitching here. I wonder if he's going to answer at all. *sighs* I guess I just want a visible, confirmed ending. I want to just stop hoping. That almost sucks as bad as... I dunno. Thing. >.>;;; Shaddup, I'm tired.
So I'm going to bed. Giving of presents tomorrow. XD That's going to be fun. ^_____^
[Edit] Hmm. That makes... four people who thought that I was really brave for telling him. Honestly? I don't feel brave. I feel stupid. And paranoid. And very very hopeless.
I'll stop now.
[Edit 2] Man, the parallels scare me.
Thursday, February 13, 2003
06:18 a.m.
Oh no, now I sleep at 1+ and I wake up at 4?????
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
04:45 p.m.
Today is a really stupid day to wear black from head to toe. >.>;; I'm in a black T-shirt (sort of) top with very little silver designing on it, black pants, black socks and black boots. To offset the black, I'm wearing this small little white-gold chain with a white-gold pendant set with a sapphire. I feel so girly. ^_________^
But it can't beat yesterday. XD Yesterday, I was wearing my denim skirt with a black T-shirt (different sort of "sort of") top, a greenish-bluish pendant on a black "string" chain, and my black boots. I looooooooove my boots. ^______^ High heels! Noisy high heels! I can walk elegantly in them if I make an effort!
:P Yes, I'm happy. I went visiting two days in a row in black. Today was more fun. Solid black, except for a little silver. *purrrr* Not that I haven't worn all black on the first day of Chinese New Year to go visting before, but I didn't do it this year. It's so much fun. And strangely enough, I think I looked good last night and today. :D I didn't look weird or anything, and the mussed-hair look I get from my sister's car (her air-con died, so we're going for "natural" now. :P That means open windows.) goes pretty well with the stuff I choose to wear. ^_____^
Of course, it helps that my hair is pratically un-messable since it's already a mess, but hey, little blessings, right?
^__________________^ *happy*
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
11:06 a.m.
Goddamnit, now I can't even stay at home and be terribly antisocial! I have a lunch thing with my family, then I have to go visiting. AGAIN.
DAMNIT! XO XO XO
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
11:58 p.m.
I told him.
[Edit] In all the excitement, I think I forgot to say that my sister's leaving for Melbourne on Thursday night, the 13th of Feb. It's not permanent, but damnit I'm going to miss her. She finally got my dad to agree today, and managed to get a flight in the space of a few hours, like maybe two or three hours? She's been packing crazily and happily since then. She wanted to get there before/on Valentine's Day so she could spend it with her boyfriend.
[Edit II] *blinks* What the... Did we read each other's minds or what?
[Edit III] I think I'm in shock.
Monday, February 10, 2003
07:12 p.m.
*whimper* Oh gods, my head hurts so much... It hurts to focus, it hurts when I don't focus, it hurts to think.
*sighs* Been doing V-day presents again... Y'know, I think I'm quite pathetic. There I am, writing to my angel and my mortals, telling them that they should tell their special him/her's what they feel, if said him/her's don't already know, and here I am, steadfastly keeping quiet...
At least I haven't been blushing every time I talk to him. ^____^ That's a relief, at least.
And today, for chapel, there was this sermon about love. I was very highly amused by it. Kept smiling through the /entire/ thing. XD It was so ironic. And really funny, at the time.
The pastor said that infatuation is "me-centered", and love is "others-centered". So I asked Elvin if I was being very me-centred, and he said he didn't know. Cynical little me naturally opened my mouth and stuck my foot in, asking if he said he didn't know because he didn't want to embarress me. And he said he really didn't know. Paranoia, I guess. *sighs* I don't know which I'm being, but I'll do my best to stick to Plan A, tempted though I may be.
And I'd love to blog more, but my head is trying to kill me. *whimper*
[Edit] Could those few of you I keep telling to check my LJ please just keep an eye on it for an indefinite period of time? >.>;;; My hormones are jerking me around. It doesn't help that a lot of what I listen to reminds me of him.
Monday, February 10, 2003
12:27 a.m.
Spent all day doing stuff for my V-day presents. ^_______^ I'm sort of happy. I already made his gift slightly different from the others, but it's fairly well-camouflaged. At least, I hope it is. :P
'nyways, I'm tired. Need to get some sleep. I'll blog more about the gifts after I complete them. Or maybe after I give them. XD
Sunday, February 9, 2003
03:31 p.m.
Kantras says:
wanna meltykiiiiisssssssss.
Kantras says:
That name is /so/ The Fifth Element.
Reisha says:
...Meltykiss is the fifth element?
Kantras says:
Y'know, the bit where the whatshername is learning to talk, and she has that weird accent?
Reisha says:
...and it's Meltykiss?
Kantras says:
Apply that weird accent to Meltykiss, and you have Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeltykisssssssssssssss. XD
Reisha says:
...
Reisha says:
I recognize this Jo-chan not. Where's the broody one, runs real fast, spends all his time up in the loft?
Love you too. XD Yes, I'm feeling better! Maybe it's coz I was burning stuff then had to clean up all the ashes. Physical labour cheers people up? That's new. :D Must remember that for other times.
Happy now. ^__________^ *bouncebounce*
Mood swings, definite check.
^______^ And I'm meeting Joy at 4.30 to go check out V-day present prices! XD
Sunday, February 9, 2003
12:05 p.m.
which musicgenre fits to you?
O.o;;;;
[Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! The picture's too big to fit! T.T And it was so cute, too!]
You are a lazy Grey kitten
What color of kitten would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla
*giggle*
 What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz! Sunday, February 9, 2003
11:29 a.m.
I went a little ballistic last night. >.>;;; Sorry for all those who got caught in the explosion, 'specially Jing.
Late nights make me more prone to frustration, depression, and the other baaaaaaaad feelings, which is why Jo-sleeping-early is gooooooooooood. Not to mention that I'm more cheerful on more sleep.
Augh! Your blog keeps doing the "peekaboo" thing! I tried accessing it last night and it worked, but today it doesn't work. XO XO XO What the hell?
'nyways, I'm slightly better now. I'm numb-ish, at least. I wonder why the normal state of mind for me is "emotional pressure cooker, while the stuff inside (that's just me, don't worry about it) gets ripped to little pieces". >.>;;; Is that even normal? Or is it just because I'm a paranoid bundle of nerves with an extremely low self-esteem?
*growl*
Saturday, February 8, 2003
01:08 p.m.
Um, ladies and gents who I previously asked to hop over to my LJ and take a look? Go take another look please?
Friday, February 7, 2003
10:20 p.m.
Hmm... Gad just pointed this out. I didn't realise it before, but "Kantras", the name I've been using on MSN, ICQ, IRC and in RPing as (I'm playing my character, so obviously, that's his name), sounds like "can't trust". But I guess it only sounds like that if you pronounce it the way Gaddy does? :P Coz to me, it doesn't sound like that. "Kantras" is pronounced more as "can-truss". I think it's the different sounds of the "a". Gad pronounces it the 'hard' way, with the "a" as in... um... 'hard'. :P the "Ah" sound. I pronounce it more with the "k-ehn" sound.
Gah. You either get it or you don't. Just thought it was interesting, is all.
Friday, February 7, 2003
09:24 p.m.
I went to ACJC Arts Night tonight. It was... not bad. Kinda cool. :D I saw KP, Naaz and a few of the other seniors. Turns out Naaz is leaving on the 19th. T.T So sad... I like Naazli.
Elvin, Wendy and I were sitting right at the back of LT4. :P It was kinda interesting sitting so far back at a concert. A normal lecture, back is gooooooood. Concert... Well, it wasn't too bad. Amin, Raeza and Nicole (all J1s) ended up sitting with us. Amin is dem fun to talk to and play around with. XD
Hmm. When Elvin and I first sat down (Wendy came a little later), I turned around, looked at him and asked,"Why am I sitting here with you, and not with the person I want to see?" :D At least Wendy came along to be unattached with me. :P Man, sometimes it's hard being the only unattached person in the midst of all those couples. *swirly eyes*
Oh, I guess I didn't mention that I have a henna design on the back of my right hand (the opposite side from my palm) which Shreya did for me yesterday.
For those who don't know what henna is, I'll explain the best I can. Henna is actually a kind of dye, which means it comes in the form of a paste (I think Shreya said something about leaves being brewed in tea of some sort) and can be spread into designs. What Shreya used was a plastic tube in the shape of a cone, sealed at the top, obviously. The pointy bottom bit has a hole, and you use the cone like you would use one of those things you use to trace designs on a cake. She drew this random design on my hand, and it looked pretty good. XD When the henna is wet, it doesn't look too good. It's a pretty icky brown. It dries very very dark brown, then cracks and flakes off in little bits, leaving a brown stain on the skin.
:P Lucky I'm fair enough to pull it off. It showed up fine, even when it just began flaking. Jason did a design on the upper side of his wrist, but his skin colour is too dark for it to show. *lol* But it was darker today. He said it got darker after he took a hot shower. So did mine, actually. :D Shrey was explaining that. Apparantly, the hotter your skin is, the darker the henna gets. Something to do with it clinging more, sinking deeper into the skin... Something like that. (The side of the design that was almost on the softer skin of my palm, at the side, was much darker than the part of the design on top, 'specially the bit at the skin between my thumb and my forefinger. That's the lightest bit. The difference in colour prompted me to ask Shreya.) She told me to go heat my hand over the stove to get an even dark brown. :P Mine's darkening quite a bit from the hot water already though, so it's okay. Mmm. I wonder if Jason's one will get dark enough that it'll look striking.
Shreya also told me that the darker the henna design is, the longer a girl's husband would stay with her. Why? Coz she's warmer/radiates more, which shows a high sex drive, apparantly. *snicker* Fun! XD
Anyway, that ends my explanation about henna. :P Nome asked this morning, that's why it's this detailed.
Or at least, as detailed as I can get it.
Friday, February 7, 2003
06:32 a.m.
*thud* I am so tired that I slept the entire night without waking up. That is very rare, and it shows how bloody tired I am. And damnit, the earliest time I'm leaving school tonight is around 8pm. *kills self*
Thursday, February 6, 2003
09:22 p.m.
Man, I spend an extraordinary amount of time online. >.>;;; 'specially if you consider the fact that I have school, homework, studies, a social life PLUS CCA to deal with. >.>;;;;;
Anyway, I failed the Chem test. Told you so. T.T
I'm feeling mildly poetic/creative. I actually scribbled (on my computer) this very very very SHORT snippet thing which I may toss into a fic sometime. It's... whimsical. Very much how I used to write, and the style that I still occasionally lapse into, although I try not to. It gets a bit... overdone.
... Okay, FINE, a lot overdone.
I still write it sometimes though, and I've actually found image-based fic-snippet-things from a long, long, long time ago, when I actually wrote angsty, depression induced fics and never looked at them ever again for fear of being forced to kill myself from sheer embaressment... *pause* That sounds remarkably like what I do now, actually. But still, these particular pieces were written a long time ago. And some of them don't even suck as bad as what I write now. :D Which is cool, but the style is really different. And very obviously different, too.
*pause* Okay, know what? I'm going off to do my homework, then maybe later, when I have more time and my brain isn't this fractured, I'll come back and blog some more.
Have I mentioned that I *heart* Eminem's Lose Yourself?
Thursday, February 6, 2003
12:14 a.m.
Another test. Sorry bout the tiny font.
1. You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. [Dunno... Maybe]
2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is straight-forward, just tell you he/she loves you. [I don't know about that...]
3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is stylish. [Maybe, but I dunno...]
4. What you hate most in your partner is that the person is ruthless, cold-blooded, and/or ironic. [This one is possible.]
5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is that both of you can talk about everything and anything, no secret is kept. [Yes.]
6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything wrong after marriage. [Probably.]
7. You always want to get married, but in fact, you don't even know what it really is. [No, as a matter of fact, I don't know if I want to be married.]
8. At this moment, you are quite self-centered; you think of love as something you can get and trash anytime you want. [Am I like that? O.O ]
Thursday, February 6, 2003
12:06 a.m.
Test
1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love.
You chose the short road--you fall in love quickly and easily.
2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return.
You give 100% and expect 0% in return. [Am I self-sacrificial or stupid?]
3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems.
You like to get the person yourself--you are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.
4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like to see your boy/girlfriend.
You want to place the roses on the bed--you like to see him/her a lot.
5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality.
You prefer the person to be asleep--you love the person as the way s/he is.
6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone.
You chose the longer road--you will tend to stay in love for a long time.
That's all folks. Best wishes to those who are in love.
I swear I didn't cheat! O.O;;;
Wednesday, February 5, 2003
11:54 p.m.
Which OS are You?
this is my way to live
What about yours?
made by rav-chan
Which Poem Are You? made by Lucky
[The picture's a bit too big to fit comfortably, but it says "Merucurial, Loving, Tomboyish".]
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
*lol* *amused* And I didn't cheat!
Wednesday, February 5, 2003
11:31 p.m.
I actually managed to catch half an episode of Charmed! XD XD XD WHEEEEEE! I watched a little of Smallville too, but it's the Kinetic episode (the one with the prosthetic arm and tattoos, in case you don't know which one I'm talking about...) and I've already watched that. Mmm. I still haven't watched Heat, the episode with the ULTIMATE in yaoi-ness. XD
Anyway, thank you all for replying so quickly. XD I'm just waiting for Wendy's reply. Thank you all SO much. I'm like, totally indebted.
And what should I give everyone for V-day? Just wondering, but I mean,
Chocolates, expensive, not to mention pretty cliched.
Flowers, very, EXTREMELY expensive.
Things in glass bottles, expensive.
Ribbons, the guys would kill me, and anyway, those things fray like crazy.
Something sewn, it'd take too long, not to mention I'm not that good at needlework, and lack the patience for it, if I'm making in bulk.
Something hand-made... Plausible, but what, exactly?
Ribbon roses aren't classy enough, and anyway, I'm out of practice. And they aren't pretty enough. Cards? Primary school. Foodstuffs? No oven, can't bake, plus food poisoning. >.>;;; I'm not too good at desserts. I'm better at other stuff. Plastic-y D&T stuff? No materials, no tools, no D&T stuff.
Gah. I'm stumped. Suggestions?
Wednesday, February 5, 2003
05:15 p.m.
Jing, Elvin, Ira, Wendy, Ker Yew, could you guys please drop by my LJ and give me some advice? (If you don't know the add, go ask KY.) May-chan, Aine-chan, if you guys don't mind hearing me whine about emotional stuff and all that, mind dropping in too? :P
Jing, HELP!
Wednesday, February 5, 2003
04:44 p.m.
I was just re-reading a book, and now I know what I love about my favourite authors. You can never second-guess them. Like Laurell K. Hamilton, Steven Brust, Elaine Cunningham, Pratchett... You can't guess the ending. You get there by following the long, twisty path that the writers lead you on. And that's what makes reading their books interesting. You don't know what's going to happen until it /does/. And you make the discoveries with the main character, and that makes it so much more absorbing. Neil Gaiman writes like that too. Some of the bestest writers ever. :>
I love reading, but man, does it lead to introspection on my part. *swirly eyes*
Wednesday, February 5, 2003
01:52 p.m.
Didn't go to school today.
I was just thinking about stuff, and I wonder... Should I give Valentine's Day presents? Knowing me, it'd be chocolates or flowers. *ponder* And I'm wondering who I ought to give them to. I mean, yeah, I have friends who I want to give the presents to, but should I give them to him as a friend or not? I was just thinking bout it last night.
Oh well. I probably will give everyone and stuff. Hmm.
Tuesday, February 4, 2003
11:28 p.m.
Hmm. So one of the madams told us that the committee might get disbanded if we don't "buck up" by the end of this week. I have no idea whether to be happy or upset.
Tired as hell. It's not anywhere near production and we're already staying in school late enough to get blasted from our parents because we don't give them forewarning. I'm tired of being scolded for trying to do my job, then getting lectured for not doing it well enough, if they even acknowledge that. I have a bad enough self-esteem that I don't need to hear that I suck everyday, thanks ever so much. Although even if they say it, it doesn't affect my self-confidence much. Personally, I don't think they've earned the right to be able to put me down. Doing your job (whether well or not) does not give you the right to attempt to degrade and humiliate other people whether by your words or actions, sometimes according to your mood swings.
And I'm getting pissed even when I'm this tired. I think I'll stop.
I wish they'd actually treat as as human beings. We may not be taught by you, and you may not know our limitations first-hand, but that doesn't mean that we're machines, or miracle-workers. We're fucking human too. Even the mildest person can be pushed too far.
I think we're all reaching the end of our limits pretty soon. If I last till the end of Twelfth Night without breaking, I'll be surprised. Even Jason said that he thinks he's nearing an emotional breakdown. I already know I'm close to one. I almost broke down yesterday. (Sorry nome... Thanks for bearing the brunt of it. >.>;;)
Why are they expecting us to do things our seniors never did? Why the fuck do we have to lead them by the noses when we were never given the luxury? Tertiary education is supposed to teach/push you to independence. Grow your own fucking spines, assholes. We had to.
And now I'm off to write ten bloody suggestions of how to keep the youngsters occupied while we have our exams. What's wrong with three weeks of idleness while we study? It won't kill them. Let's see what nice university lecturer arranges for little picnics and outings to keep you busy while they're busy doing their fucking jobs.
*pause* Right. I'll just stop here, because I'm about to lose it.
[Edit] Strangely enough, I like some of the J1s. I'm just frustrated and starting to get this continuous, permanent urge to scream my lungs out, which I, obviously, have to suppress. Which makes me even more frustrated. And school isn't being cooperative, so everything's piling up like crazy. Sorry, any of you who're reading this and end up thinking that I hate any of you. I don't. There are some people I dislike (hey, I don't have a totally elastic tolerance. I'm human that way, too) but there are lots of people who I like.
And I apologize for never stopping when I say I will.
Monday, February 3, 2003
11:06 p.m.
OH FUCK NO, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME I LOST MY MACLAURIN'S NOTES.
[Edit] Oh thank GODS, I found it. I'm about to cry from sheer relief here.
Monday, February 3, 2003
10:54 p.m.
Maybe I'm just a frustrated person who's really really really pissed off about some stuff, and really really curious/puzzled/frustrated (there's that word again) due to this puzzlement, and feeling all lonely and introspective (or worse, angsty) and stuff, but DAMNIT, I FUCKING NEED A GOOD CRY.
Monday, February 3, 2003
10:44 p.m.
Since I've been asking around anyway, what do you do when you want to know if you feel anything other than friendship for someone?
Monday, February 3, 2003
10:37 p.m.
Why do I feel like hell right now?
Lesse, there's 1) school tomorrow, 2) DRAMA AFTER SCHOOL TOMORROW, 3) drama stuff for the next entire WEEK, 4) Jing went back (DAMNIT! *cries*), 5) I've been thinking too much about drifting apart from people (NO, Aine-chan, May-chan, not that drifting), 6) test tomorrow, which I forgot (sort of) to study for, 7) Adrienne's leaving for Perth soon too (DAMNIT, NO!), 8) Low self-esteem (DUH! This is a 24-hour service, sort of), 9) ... I have to have logical reasons for feeling like hell?
Monday, February 3, 2003
10:19 p.m.
Sometimes we think too much, especially about things like this. I could probably angst a lot about it, and get verbally thwapped by her after I whine too much.
*sighs*
Monday, February 3, 2003
10:05 p.m.
Just watched Model Behaviour, the show that has Justin Timberlake in it, with my sister. It's cute, but damn, it makes me depressed. They're both so pretty... And, man, sometimes when I'm with my sister, I feel icky. >.>;; I mean, she's so much prettier than me, we don't even look as if we're related. At all.
*sighs* Low self esteem, whee.
And naturally, I happen to flip on one of the most depressing songs I've recently downloaded. >.<
Daniel Beddingfield - If You're Not The One
If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm prayin' you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
Know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
How's that for depressing?
Monday, February 3, 2003
05:04 p.m.
Have I mentioned recently that I've been reduced to listening to the radio on the computer? :P
Monday, February 3, 2003
04:51 p.m.
I intended to study yesterday, but after my sister's friends came over to visit, they went out for dinner. I went, too. So there go the study plans. :P It was fun. We were teasing my cousin almost the entire way. XD
So yesterday was pretty boring, but I liked it. I got to sleep in. ^_______^ Today we only had two places to go to, so it wasn't too bad. Saw pretty much the same people though.
And again, body, what is wrong with you? Why'd you wake me up at 6+ in the morning when I don't have to go to school, damnit? *growl*
Grar. And I have to study later. T.T Right now though, drooooooooooooooowsy.
Sunday, February 2, 2003
04:27 p.m.
Let's see... Yesterday was the typical first day of Chinese New Year for my family. As expected, we left the house at 10.30am or so. Photo-taking, pretty new clothes... You know, typical.
We went to around... 5 or 6 places in the span of 10.30 to 4.30 or so. Then we came home, rested for a while, and at 6-ish, left the house to go to my uncle's (my mom's second eldest brother) house for dinner. Then at around 9, we went to my dad's friend's house. I expected it to be boring, and my sister and I were already planning an escape route involving my dad's car and stuff, but then the gambling began. XD So we gambled from around 10.30 or so till 1+ in the morning, and all four of us (my family) who played (my dad didn't really play yesterday. Don't know why) won quite a bit. It was fun. XD XD XD And the best part about me n my sister gambling? My mom supplied our capital. *snicker* So we get to keep the winnings, but my mom supplies our capital, and has to pay our losses if we have any. Which luckily, we didn't. XD XD XD My sister's really LUCKY at cards! And my grandaunt got Black Jack about 8 times throughout the whole thing, and at least two or three Double Aces, which means that the banker pays you triple your bet. We were betting like $5, $10, $20 and stuff. I think at one point, some of the adults were betting $30 and $40. It was fun. :P And when the younger ones (all older than me) wanted to start their own rounds, we stayed with the older table, and probably won a lot more. The younger people played for smaller stakes. I think it was $2 minimum. Something like that.
Anyway, fun. I now have money to buy stuff. ^________^
Hmm. But it seems that the number of red packets we get each year gets less. :P I've watched my sister go through it, and continue going through it. Now I'm going through that stage too. Oh well. Anyway. Yesterday was really tiring. But at least I got to sleep in today.
Which reminds me.
Body, what the hell do you think you're doing, waking me up at 9am in the morning?
Ahem. 'nyways, my sister's friends are visiting. Hostage, whee.
Saturday, February 1, 2003
08:55 a.m.
Happy Chinese New Year! And Happy 18th birthday Jingy! XD
I'm wearing new clothes, new jewellery (only a new necklace), but old shoes. Lalala...
Foooooooooooooooooood.
Friday, January 31, 2003
11:17 p.m.
Sometimes my family (as in, my parents' sibs and their families) irritate me. The worst bits are the small kids. Some of them are SO BRATTY. I mean, I tell them not to do a specific something. Two seconds later, they do it on PURPOSE. Naturally, it's the boy of the pair of sibs (the older one's a girl) who does this. Why? Because his mother spoils him terribly and he's a bloody spoilt brat.
Grr. And I have to go visiting with them tomorrow. EVERYONE ELSE I don't mind, but that kid REALLY pisses me off. It's because of this kid that my dog now growls at every single bloody kid that tries to touch him.
I'm going to sleep soon. Bloody tired, plus grumpy as hell. I'm short on sleep. And tomorrow, which is Saturday (usually the day that I recharge on excess sleep), I have to wake up at around 7+. 8, max. Bloody hell. We're supposed to leave the house at 9, but I BET that at least one of my dad's three brothers will arrive at 9.30. That's probably when we'll leave, if at all. There was once when we were scheduled to leave at 9, and we ended up leaving my house at bloody 10.30.
XO XO XO Family. I get along better with the cousins on my mom's side. I really can't work with kids.
Friday, January 31, 2003
07:11 p.m.
Hmm. I was thinking about stuff, and it seems to me that these colours signify certain concepts. (I don't know if that's the right word, but it's the best I can come up with right now.)
Red, a little orange, and some yellow: lust, sex, anger, jealousy, spite, blood, uncontrollable emotions, impulsiveness, pride...
Blue: calm, coherence, cool and emotionless decision-making, deep and unbreakable bonds (not to mention chastity), intellectual (not emotional)...
Green: contemplation, deep thinking, youth (linked to memories), revelation, questioning...
White: truth, finality, mourning, revelation, contemplation, death.
The most important idea behind white was Truth. If you still haven't figured out what I'm referring to yet, don't bother wondering. It's a spoiler-thing, of sorts.
Friday, January 31, 2003
06:53 p.m.
Reunion dinner tonight's at my house. Urk, little, irritating, BRATTY cousins coming over. >.>;; This is the sucky bit about my dad being the oldest in his family. All my cousins are younger than us. By quite a bit. The oldest one after me is only 8 or 9 this year. My dog's afraid of them. That's how scary they are. And yes, I know my dog's scared of everything, but he isn't easily scared by people. And these cousins scare him. He runs when he sees them coming toward him, and when they call his name, he cringes and hides. >.>;;;;
Because of them, he's afraid of all kids (this includes guys who have not yet hit puberty, even if they're 14), and growls at them, or runs away, or stuff like that.
Anyway, I cut my hair today, and Andy decided to have some fun with it and dry it in a really funky way. He made it "choppy" at the back (think waves on a windy day) and sprayed washable colour ALL OVER my hair. Most of it was red. Bright, crimson red. Fun. XD He made the bit (chunk, fringe, whatever) hanging right over my eyebrow silver. Muuuuuuuuuuuuch fun. And after that, every time he looked at my hair, he started snickering, and stuff. ;) I finished around 2-ish, and sat there waiting for my sister until 5.30. -_-;;; I fell asleep at one bit. Boredom. Not to mention drowsiness. I mean, today was just perfect for curling up in bed and sleeping! It was raining all day, almost non-stop, and when it finally stopped, it was still cloudy, plus it was already 5-ish.
PERFECT for sleeping. T.T
My sister dyed her hair a dark brown, and highlighted it ash-brown and bright red. I think the red'll fade to a copperish colour in a week or so though. Damn. It's a really pretty colour. The dye is insanely red. Much fun. XD
Rar. Relatives. T.T
Friday, January 31, 2003
10:48 a.m.
So the concert ended at 9+am, and we were free to go. A couple of the ex-IJ girls went back to visit, but I figured that I could go another day to visit the primary school, then go back to the secondary school next time they have mass.
The concert today was pretty okay. Lots of instrumental music, only two singing pieces, and three dances. Dropped Shreya off at somewhere near Ang Mo Kio, then dropped Jason off home again. :P
Laura passed us kuay lapis and a chocolate CD each! ^_____^ The chocolate CD looks fun. I haven't tried one yet. Will try it later.
Hmm. Going to do my hair with my sister later. Then after that, there's reunion dinner at my house tonight. *sighs* My eardrums and my patience are really going to be put to the test.
Breakfast! I'm hungry...
:P I almost forgot to archive.
If anyone missed it, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to you all!!
Even if it is in advance. :P
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